this is the first time I've been able to write about you in a year, and hurts more with every character that I type.
you used to bring me joy and happiness, and now you bring me feelings of sorrow, pain, anxiety and depression. i'm still trying to figure out how that is possible, especially coming from you.
when we were still together, I used to lie awake at 4AM thinking about how much I love you, and how much it would hurt to lose you. i used to dream of owning a beautiful home on the lake with you, and every morning, I could roll over either way and see a beautiful sight.
on my left; a glistening lake
on my right; the love of my life
now, I lie awake at 2AM wondering what went wrong and how much I miss you. quite a transition, isn't it?

I had so many options
Sleeping pills in my hand
Evil thoughts in my head
Sangoma's mixed potions
A rope hanging on top of my head
I could have rolled down the stairs
Or took a knife and stabbed it into my chest
But I couldn't.
My mother cried when she gave birth to me
I can't watch her cry at my funeral
I thought of what she always say to me
That "I hate how I raised you,but I love what I raised"
That I should do better for my daughter
And not yet be her ancester.

This short appearance of mine here on earth will be over before I will ever notice. If you only live once then what am I doing sitting here with nothing to do when in reality I can do anything I put my mind to.

Define Reality.
The endless battles of society.
How each step up the chains
increases business gains.
But not only concieves a heresy,
A path they think they are forced to follow.
Whatever happened to YOLO?
We do not choose our own path,
but we are never forced to follow.

We are only here to die.
All the blood sweat and tears you put into running your first marathon
That award winning book you wrote that captured the heart of millions of children
All the money that you won from winning the lottery...
Means nothing.
It all means nothing.
All of this...

Means nothing.

We are only here to die.
But it's the preparation that decides
What will happen after life.
The choices that you make in life will decide your fate after life

Which is death.

If you counted up all the seconds we spent tweeting,
All the minutes  we spent repeating,
All the hours we spent faking this thing-
"#YOLO", we call it.
If all 7 billion of us added up,
How many lives could we make
With the tick-tocks we spent talking about their brevity?
How many lives could we have saved, changed, re-arranged
With the attitude of using that one life to make a difference,
Instead of abusing the battle cry of a short life to do useless, irresponsible ****.
Calories, pranks, drugs, lust, rebellion.
Do you feel stupid for the things you bought with YOLO now?
'Cause you got it wrong.
Your life will flash before your eyes,
But will yours be worth watching?
It all counts.
But did you make it count?