X's and O's.*

I feel like its all a show.

Even from the start, as you depart, kissing the essence of the globe.

For all we know.

X's and O's.

Bring pleasure to your genitals.

Be gentle hoes.

I am making a mental picture of the old.

Days when.

X's and O's.

Publicly got you hanged.

Referring to the X as kissing and the O as hugging on the -*****.

and why the mind insane?

Because there's more to that strange then what meets the brain.

Don't get corrupted look away.

It is some strange day now can you say that,
we will all meet this lustful fate.

Contemplate to the date that I see my son or girl grow in ways,
then hit the world publicly they make the appearance of grace and being.

But then Xs and Os take wing.

Their battles will rattle as I see myself on a mantle of crust.

Made from earth.
Lord Almighty made me from dirt.

Did it hurt?

Did it spew blood like at birth-

And then the rebirth of the unberthed berthed reunion to the dirt .

I am dead.

Im not addicted
Im obsessed
And my drug of choice
Is one of the best

I owe you everything
And thats exactly what you took
The moment I met you
You enticed me with your look

I was dying to try you
Now im simply dying
Cause they took you away
And my insides are crying

You kept me safe
And always confidant
Now my friends are afraid
That I've lost my common sense

But if you got high
You'd put your morals aside
And if this brings me closer to death
I think im ready to die.

They said I'm crazy, they saw blood all over me. Metallic and thick. I wanted to run, but they wont let me. Then, I feel someone constraining me. She told me she'll bring me somewhere that is not dark, not cold, she told me I'll be safe, and protected. So I followed her.

I see a kite flying, up high in the sky. I'm laying on my mom's lap, she's stroking my hair. She's crying. I'm confused. The sky is getting brighter. It was so dark before this. The next thing I know, I'm covered with a white sheet.

This was a failed experiment on a grand scale indeed.  I was the creator of a new machine that could repair itself and live forever.  But something went wrong.  Something I did not foresee.   I made two versions of such a machine, version x and version y.  They were everything I had hoped for!  Strong and intelligent.  They could adapt to any circumstance.  But the machines I had built seem to not want to work for us anymore.  In a very cleaver way they managed to build a vessel in secret and leave the planet.   It was then one million years later we found where they had went.  A small little planet in the milky way system called Earth.  They went there to die but yet live forever.  The oxygen on this planet is poisonous which their bodies could only sustain for 75 to 110 years.  They had gathered lore on a place known as heaven.   A place beyond our universe.  The only way through is to expire or die. This is what they wanted us to think.   They had managed to replicate themselves into 6 billion different versions.  Their true intent was more sinister than expected.   They were planning on returning with their grand army of themselves and destroying us all.   Their vessel is deep in an ocean known as the Atlantic.  They are still there.  Molding their replications and prepping them for an invasion that would have happened in the next 3000 years.  CODE ADAM AND EVE aka (Version x and Version y )must be stopped.

I always wonder
If there is something more about X
It is not always just the sign of wrong
If you look closer
You can see two people
Holding each other
To prevent from falling

Cross the line into my heart, and mark it with an X.
For I am yours, and nothing in this world can make me believe in anything less.
Less than perfection, less than the air I breathe, and the words I speak.
I am totaled in this underlying affliction, between pain and glory, surrounded in little words that no one seems to speak.
So here I am, and there you stand.
Standing in the rain that douses you like falling pins and needles, I see you, and you see me.

For that, I am sorry.

Because I am the X that holds you together, the glue that fashions paper bones and weathered hearts. I breathe, and you breathe.

You see, you and I are rattled together in an endless cycle.
A singularity, if you will.
And as dangerous as things may seem, or may come to be...
I wouldn't have it any other way.

Because you are the X that stole my heart.

One year on....

My Nana has unfortunately passed away after a valiant fight against cancer. In this passing we have lost a lovely woman who meant the world to our whole family. Me and my cousins affectionally called her 'straight Nana' as when we were younger we were lucky to also still have our great gran around who we called 'curly Nana' this was based on the fact that Nana Pauline has Straight hair and her mother had curly hair. In all my years I've have never heard even a choice word said against her spirit or character which is truly a rare commodity in this day and age.



She lived a full life and had three amazing daughters and a step son who she raised as her own. Thirteen grandchildren one being myself and five great grandkids. Thankfully we recently all got together and she was able to see her whole family together for the first time. I could see how happy it made her that day to see the legacy she had created and more importantly that we all were in a good place before she left us for the final time.



'May the wind always be on your back and the sun always upon your face and may the winds of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars '



My mother was very young when she had me so the support that my Nan gave her as I grew up was vital. Without her me and my mum would of struggled but we always had a safetynet of support that we could rely on that was invaluable to us both. I know this notion is appreciated by my aunties and cousins too. We all share our own individual special memories as well as collective moments too that we will never forget. I would appreciate it so much if anybody has any memories stories that they wish to share as I know they will help us all as a family as we cope with this difficult time.




Cara: ". I once mistakingly rang there (labour club) instead of nanas house looking for mum, nana answered anyway, and passed me on to mum! Good job I got the wrong number! 



Her husband John is a great man who was with my Nana for her last 20 years. He is a part of our family and I hope he knows that we will always be here for him and I look I will look forward to his Sunday Dinners in future and having a beer in the back garden in tribute to our usual routine. I know I'm not alone when I say we are always here for you and we love you
and respect you so much. If you ever need anything please do not forget that.


She had a a gift for poetry that was exposed when she made her way to Facebook. I would always giggle at the little dittys she would loving, yet embarrassingly post to our Facebook walls with affection, nailing little pockets of the personalities of the protagonists each time she wrote them. Reading back some of these small potent poems know I smile as a proud Grandson and I'm happy we will all each have our own little prose to refer to in the future. 




From Moat Road, to Winterslow Avenue, Clover  Croft and finally your home in Widnes - I'll always remember each place fondly for reasons as they represents different periods of my life as I've grown up. My blue bear and parties, your back garden at Moat Road. Snowballs and magic tricks, teddy football at Winterslow Avenue. Clovere Croft was a place of refuge in my teenage years, your naughty rabbits and old school cooked dinners and misbehaving Malig. The dog who you took in and never left your side. The Labour club, where you worked hard and played hard! The beautiful garden you have created that will grow and remind us of your colourful nature as the flowers grow and bloom each year. I know John will tender them with care and think of you with a smile as he listens to smooth FM and remembers all the great times that you both spent together there. 



'if winter comes can spring be far behind?'



As a woman she was truly beautiful, a short stunning blonde. Her three daughters each different in ways but each a  reflection of there mother in their own unique ways.  Looking at them now they are all testament to her gorgeous genes and gentle, kind nature.



Nana was the most amazing crossword completer I have ever met. I was consistently surprised by her ability to finish these crosswords as she watched daytime TV and it was one of the small funny things that made me really proud of her. She filled in the gaps that was synomomus to her life.

Each of her daughters have fought through hard times and she provided a back bone of support that helped them reach the stability and happiness in their lives today. I know she said to me personally how she had comes to terms with her fate and that she was especially happy my Aunty Julie has found happiness with a good man like her sisters. I feel this represented the final piece to the puzzle for her and as usual she was able to complete this before she left. She took great solace in this fact - and so she should. It made me feel a small element of contentness when she told me this during one of our last conversations together.



To all my cousins now is the time to step up and being there for your mums. I have no doubt you will be.  I am proud of you all and you all have a special place in my thoughts. You all have great qualities and potential and it's been a pleasure to watch you all grow up into fine young men and ladies, even mothers.  Please never hesitate to contact me if you need to talk or share your thoughts. I know we will remain strong as a unit and we will get through this tough time together as a family!


In closing I want to thank my Nana just for simply being her. I will hold you in a special place in my heart forever and you will never be forgotten. Each Christmas I will toast you with a Jack Daniels (Nan would always buy the guys a JD related present every year) I will never taste that whiskey again without a passing thought for you as it passes my lips. I know I will not be the only one with this sentiment.

Even as a close family - I still hope this brings us all together and that we use this experience to better ourselves in our own personal ways. Fight hard to reach your potential and stay true to your essence and the person you desire or have chosen to be. It's these times that expose what really matters to you - embrace those thoughts and do not lose them in grief or forget them in time.

I am so proud of you.
Goodby Nana. I love you.
Your Grandson,
Nathan x

No te prometo un para siempre, no te voy a mentir con eso
Queremos infinitos para una vida que desgasta
Soñamos con amores eternos que al final nos duran solo años
Amores que no acaben en rutina, divorcio u homicidio.

Creo que nadie puede prometerte un para siempre
Al menos no como el de la ficción
Por eso hoy te prometo no ser tu último amor
Ni el más intenso, mucho menos el más apuesto
Hoy te prometo amarte platónicamente
Incluso si en veinte años estas durmiendo con otro hombre en Madrid
Mientras yo paseo por Caracas.

Prometo amar tu alma que es eterna a donde quiera que se vaya
Y donde quiera que la mía este; y por ultimo
No te prometo amor de una noche pero tampoco uno que limite.