maybe it's easier to fall in love with strangers because they'll never watch while they rip you apart
they won't shy away at your tendency to say more than necessary or the thoughts you shouldn't speak but always do
they don't ask for quiet corners or hidden love or pieces of your heart without knowing the whole
if you were never mine or I yours there's no worry in my memory holding onto you
no 4 am whispers or hands feeling empty when you're gone
and he'll love me unconditionally because he'll never know enough to stop

Dearest Mother like no other
You always make me wonder
I don't know where I'd be without thee
Cause obviously without you, there'd be no me
Despite our different tastes and views
You always know what to choose
Irresponsible, stubborn or childish as I may seem
At the end of the day, a smile you'd beam
Melting away all my mistakes
Telling me it's part of what it takes
I know you're struggling a lot
Yet I'm too weak (maybe even too stupid) to give it a shot
To try to help you out
Sometimes I'd like to shout
To the wind, hoping it'll answer
All I can do is include you in my prayers
A simple act of gratitude wont suffice
For everything you've sacrificed
Someday I'll repay all your efforts
But for now I can be the one you can go to for comfort
Thank you for your unconditional love
You're the closest to an angel that we have

Little life.
Soft fingers turning pages.
You will never be the same as you were a moment ago.
Constantly moving and constantly learning.
Airplanes,
whispers and
cookie crumbs.
Already your life is moving faster and leaving yesterday to the dogs.
None of us are here forever,
but if only somehow I could freeze these little moments in time
and re-live them forever and ever.

You glance upon my skin, to see that it's covered in holes,
and compare them sweetly to only freckles and moles.
But what no one understands is they tunnel straight down to my soul,
and no one realizes the worth of gold in a world of coal.

Softly child softly
Skitter through the fields to the ruined city
Stand on the outskirts and wonder
Who could have destroyed this?
Wonder
Who could have torn down these arches?
On tiny feet approach
Tread softly child, softly

Over the red dust
Across the desolate plains
Toward the hint of the fallen city.
Foot falls like gentle rain
Wonder mixing with innocence and love
Softly, child

Skip around the rim
Dance with the choice of stepping where none have
On bold feet; Be courageous..
But curiously, child. Softly

Step inside the bounds
Find its dark destroyed corners, and
marvel at the wear of time
Wonder, child

In the epicentre
From which the salt earth extends
A small circle of pearls
Plant a seed
child, thoughtfully

Water it with your tears
Shelter with body and belief
And watch as this seed take
Tend the vines, then
Cultivate the ground with your love
Softly, child

Now sit..
Sit, child
And weep.
Not in shame
Nor sorrow, despair or anguish at loss
Let the marvel of your hands very creation
Fuel your tears
Weep for the subtle nature
Weep for the one who came before
My beautiful child

Now smile
As eyes slowly cloud
As memory finally becomes sight
And lungs now strive for air
Let go
And be at rest, finally as all things
Sleep child.
Peace.

In that moment it had occurred to me that for my entire life I had been breathing in a toxic, poisonous gas.

One that had been draining my life and destroying my soul.

The first word she spoke, the first smile that I witnessed grace her lips; that was fresh air.

She was oxygen.

I may not have much. I may not be worth anything of value.

But she owns every ounce of my soul.
Every thought in my head.
She owns my entire heart,
and hopefully, every second of my future.

I wasn't asking for attention- nor was I looking for sympathy.
I didn't need someone to save me.
I knew the unspoken consequences when I had all those thoughts and urges..
they'd be there forever.
you'll never be able to wear anything that comes a few inches short of the knee.
you'll be sore for a quite a while- you know how much it stings.
I didn't care about that- it didn't matter to me.
I didn't care about myself.

Back then, I was too naive to consider that some of those consequences might be much heavier than I was led to believe.
do you not understand this could **** you? -so what? Wouldn't it be best anyway?
it'll hurt your family, they care about you -no they don't; and even if they did, they don't have to know.
what will your future spouse think? -are you kidding? I'm never going to get married. No one will ever truly love me and all that I am.. all that I've done.
your body is a temple, made by the Almighy Go- -God doesn't want me. I'm a ***** over. He couldn't care about me even if I asked Him to. No one should.
How could anyone want someone who talks too much, laughs too loud, and loves too little?

I wasn't asking for attention- nor was I looking for sympathy.
It was purely because I felt the need to be punished-
And that punishment was what felt good to me.
I was out of my mind.
Way out of line.
The thoughts and wants and needs kept intertwining
and I couldn't think clearly anymore.

I didn't know just how wrong I was about all of that
Until I met you.
You showed me who God really was and how His love is always unconditional.
Even in the mess I had made, He sifted through it, grabbed my hand, and pulled me into the sunlight.
And then He stayed there and helped me sort it all out, fix the broken pieces, and create in me a new being.
He showed me that the pain I'd been dealing and the feelings I'd been feeling weren't the feelings and dealings He would have dealt.
He spoke in kind words that echoed through the people you introduced me to.
He moved through the winds of change that brought me to new places; and even though I was scared, He gave me the courage to continue on strong.
He rearranged my life so that I can wake up every morning without the feeling of hopelessness hanging off my heels.
So I could be grateful that I am alive.

He did this for me.
He blossomed everything around me.
Slowly and painfully, He changed me.
But the amazing thing about that pain
is that pain doesn't have regret chained to it.
It doesn't have long lasting impressions
that stay for years on end reminding me
of my worst mistakes.
It doesn't make me look back and wish
I had done it differently.

It makes me think
that I am someone
worth cherishing-

that I am someone
worth saving.