rather than check
the forecast
for some reason
i think it enough
to merely
look to the sky
for a cursory
ten or so seconds
to observe the drifting
of weighty clouds
the overwhelming of
any strokes of blue
that might remain
being diminished
by the shifting greys
of approaching rain
before surmising
whether or not
a coat or umbrella
might be needed
at some point
in the coming hours

I’ve gone over tiktok, then instagram, then tiktok then
facebook and no sign
no sign of you, this is odd that you would
after a year of dumping me with no contact,
saying you are happy with her,
that you’d stay gone, today as well.

Oh I know .
I know one does not love like I love if one
has not got damage, you feel so sweet in my
head; in real life, I might push you
away, in here you are mine, forehead pressed
to me, mine, I keep
your heart in the palm
of my hands, like
a baby bird, I keep it
gently, I could
break its bones
real easy, I would
never,

in real life you hold my head,
a sickly child all over
again, I cannot
hide my eyes and pretend
I am invisible like I did
then, I know

you have seen me, you have seen me
and you will not say the words;
when you do not
speak them, I want to die, you
call me friend, in real
life you frighten, you
do not want me, or that’s
not what you said, you said
you want me but

can’t choose me over her, said
you were happy, now here
I am, here, it’s been so long
you’ve crushed it and still,
somehow it
pumps, I

dreamed briefly of
crashing into rocks
instead of you, not

for you, for men,
all lovers betray,
I still have the note,
sits hollow and quiet, in
my google docs, IN CASE
I **** MYSELF, I edit it
sometimes, add people, it's
in comic sans, just to
**** with you all,

but days like today I imagine
I imagine you and forget you are
not coming back ever,
ever, not as a friend,
not as a lover, not
ever
not coming back, ever

I watch videos of me imagining
your reaction,

look at angel numbers, google the meaning, and
twin flames,  

when there’s nothing to hold on to -
I invent it. I hate that I am like this,
it’s why I survived.

I hate that I am like this,

how I love you is not
normal, one should
not love like this, It's
okay, I just need
to **** the hope, I need
to make the hope stop.

these quiet soft bodies in the forest are suffering
there is an endless question in the mouths of the rivers
there are scoundrels dressed in foggy black smoke
making peace with themselves while killing everyone else
their canines sharp, their chilling howling winds making the spirits’ hair stand on edge

these quiet soft bodies in the woods are suffering
there is a constant pounding of war drums beyond the horizon
buried underneath silk-spinning spiders and fool’s gold
there are ghastly ghosts shrieking for eternity in their eternal vacant brains
their tepid seething souls scavenging the abandoned corpses like vultures

these quiet soft bodies in the darkness are suffering
there is a hazy fog that blinds the earth from the heathens that have been buried in vain
they have bulging eyes and stigmatic circumstances protruding through the silence
tempestuousness swirling beneath their feet as in a hurricane churns up the foamy water
they see red coals and embers in the cores of any sane soul
they will gag you with a temper, leaving anger imprinted on your skin  

these quiet soft bodies in the emptiness are suffering
their cries for help are being intercepted by the government that birthed them
leaving them to be swallowed by the jet-black monsters that lurk in the shadows
there is a mask that is worn over their heads before their sense gets scraped off of their skin
they never have to feel a thing, the gashes only give a sense of victimhood

these quiet soft bodies in the nothingness are suffering
they are getting eroded away, thrown up in flames, spewing out ****** teardrops
they are hunted down and shot, seasoned perfectly and oiled
the trees groan from the fumes exuding up beyond the sky line
their branches fall off as they look the other way, vapid in their deliberations

A flight delayed
Can take a toll
Schedules remade
Like dominoes fall
Yet plan A
Can be overrated
Trust that plan B
Is what we truly needed.

To ride a plane
Is to let go.
Entrust and rely
On the pilot’s hands
Pray he be guided
By the Mighty One
Boarding this vessel
With several other humans
Who likewise let go
Of control from their hands
Trust and faith
Are what we need
In moments like this
We relax and yield.

i asked for sanctuary,
the universe gave me you.

the flower
holding on to the soil
with what's left from
its' root, lost in turmoil
lost most of it
lost to the attacks
of its own species
lost when it trusted
them the most, because
the flower didn't fit in