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Sleepless in foetal slumber
Eyes closed yet wide and irredescent to your indescrections
The dark lays like a veil underneath your rough hands
As they inappropriately trace my delicate infants body
I do not move
I cannot out of fear of what you’d do if I dared to
but I should think myself lucky really
you spared me from the full extent of what your evil could have done
but still I can still feel the weight of your hands like a tonne of bricks pushing down on me
now ,can’t let anyone too close .
what you did comes like back in
blows to my psyche
Mark Toney Oct 2019
little brown rabbit
in a field of coyotes-
hoppy survivor
5/22/2018 - Poetry form:  Haiku - For many months my wife and I have seen a little brown bunny frequent our back yard from a field in the back that has coyotes, foxes, deer, opossum and raccoons. It returns to the field each day and we always think it will be its last day.  But a few days later there it is again   A hoppy survivor for sure! - Copyright © Mark Toney | Year Posted 2018
Iz Oct 2019
Is it really survivors guilt if
I haven’t survived yet
Stephanie Aug 2019
My expressions wiped away by the back of your hand
Painted face now purple skin, your white knuckles, my neck
I needed you to know how it felt to be your girlfriend
I needed you to know how it felt to be your victim
cassie marie Sep 2019
There are seven stages of grief
The first being denial
We deny that we are here
In this hell on Earth
We deny that some of our family members have been taken into the hands of death
We deny that we went through what we went through
In hopes that we will forget it ever happened
The second is the pain
The pain comes when it finally hits
Your family is dead
You will never be that same happy kid as you once were
The happy-go-lucky kid you were before the camps
The realization that your body will never work the same way
The next is anger
The frustration you have been holding back
Not at the Nazis or the Germans
You are frustrated at yourself
You are mad at yourself for being in that situation
You do not know why you are mad at yourself
But you refuse to place the blame anywhere else
The next stage is depression
The hole in your heart where your happiness used to lain
The realization that you are now by yourself and there is no one who will understand you anymore
No one will speak the language that us survivors speak
No matter how good of a therapist you are
It is a foreign language only select few speak
There is another stage we went through
The upward turns
The realization that you will be ok
You realize that you do not need your family to be ok
You do not need anyone who survived with you
You only need yourself
And that is all you have
There is another stage
This being particularly the hardest
It is working in an everyday life
With your new setbacks and PTSD
The new you starts to work properly
There is one more stage
It is acceptance
You finally accept what happened
You accept the fact that everything that you went through
Is not fiction
It is real life
You accept the fact that we went through inhumane treatments and tortures
And we accept all of it
We realize and accept that we were almost all killed off
Weather by sickness or ******
We accept we were the lucky ones
And never look back
I wrote this for a school assignment last year, and now it's being submitted into scholarship contests:)
Aaron LaLux Sep 2019
....  I’m leaving Neverland, never to return again,
I’m leaving Neverland, for real & forever man,

& this is not an attack, or any other act of aggression,
this is not an insinuation or malicious accusation,
no need for Mesereau to get an acquittal through vindication,
because the fact is, I still love you, Mr. Michael Jackson,

& I’m sorry Ms. Jackson, I am for real,
never meant to make your daughter cry,
I apologize a trillion times,
now I’m Outkast, self banished myself like Lauryn Hill,

so Leave Me Alone, I told you I’m sorry Ms. Jackson,
& if truth be told, I still love you Mr. Jackson,

I still love you Michael Jackson,

& I’ll tell you what I think happened,
I think you were robbed of your childhood when young,
& your whole life you only wished to have one,
so you could feel safe enough to play & have fun,
& the only way to ever have the childhood you never had,
was to create your own sanctum paradise & call it Neverland,
with a ferris wheel carousel fairies trains giraffes & elephants,
your own fairytale so you’d never have to grow up, Peter Pan,

& you were so pure & kind & innocent,
& you really just wanted to play,
but over assumptive suspicious judgmental perverse minds,
made accusations called you strange & put you on display,

there is nothing worse than false accusations,
placed on an innocent man in an abrasive way, ...

∆ Aaron LaLux ∆

an excerpt from poem #27 of
THHT3: The Hollywood Hills Trilogy 3
available on Amazon here:
www.amazon.com/dp/1950780023

and if you've read this far I'd like to show my appreciation by buying you a copy of THHT3 from Amazon myself, seriously, I will give it to you for free. Just send me a Message here or on IG @aaronlaux

Aaron LaLux Sep 2019
Who,
hurt you,
so bad,
that you haven’t let yourself heal,
& why,
do you,
let them,
continue to hurt you?

Why,
are you,
hiding in your shell,
you are not a shellfish,

here,  
have, a well wish,

I wish,
you realize,
that you are stronger,
than any memory that you may have,
that you are stronger,
than any person that’s ever hurt you in the past,
that you are stronger,
than the darkness that’s invaded your light,

What a paradox you can often be,
one minute so outgoing the next minute totally shut off,
refusing dialogue not caring if you die at all,
on a walk in a park after dark communications shut down,
well you know what love, you’re too resolute,
to let let downs let you down,

I see you,
I see your struggles, I see your strengths,
I see that you are so close, to having a life altering epiphany,
I see it even if you don’t let me propose this question,
do you think a caterpillar knows as it grows,
that it’s about to metamorphosize into a beautiful butterfly?

See you might not see you, but I see you,
I see that you are so close, to having a life altering epiphany,
& breaking totally free, but you know what,
you don’t have to break to be free, you already are free,
you just have to realize it, & once you do, which you will,
you will see, no one can hurt you, not even you,
because you are a being, of such astounding strength,
that you’re just beginning to understand how strong you are,

so who cares who hurt you so bad you haven’t healed,
because from now on you will let no one ever hurt you again.

Remember that…

∆ LaLux ∆

from THHT3: The Hollywood Hills Trilogy 3
available worldwide here: www.amazon.com/dp/1950780023

This book is so important that if you can't buy it just message me directly and I'll buy it for you. Seriously.

Esther L Krenzin Sep 2019
they nod their head
as if they understand
but don't fool with me
your eyes are glazed
and the notes that you are scribbling
cant measure the pain ive felt
i pull out the symptoms from clenched teeth
legs swinging in the air
on and on
an endless list
you grow restless
and when i open my mouth to continue
you walk out the door
that's when i realize
even the doctors don't know what to do with me
Esther L. Krenzin
Lost Soul Sep 2019
One year ago today
I got thrown aside by someone
..who promised me the world
On September 15th, I struggled to be okay

For three hours all I did was cry
"How could I let another person leave?"
"How could I push someone else away?"
"I'm sorry I ruined your life... I promise I didn't try "

Little did I know it would get worse
I had no idea what rock bottom was
I tried to reach out for help
And was told to deal with it
"Just let it run its course"

But on that day was the first time
I said that I wanted to die and meant it
I started dying inside
As people around me just watched
I was isolated..apparently depression is a crime.

From that day on I didn't stop crying
and will never be the same
Slowly but surely i pulled myself up from the pit
Suicide is a awful mind game

Crying went from hourly to daily and from weekly to monthly
It took at least 8 months and I'm still stuck on monthly
But I am getting stronger everyday
Don't take my story as a sad tale
It is a survivor's story
I am a survivor.
If someone is going through something similar and needs someone to talk to, I am here to listen.
Also, I choose not to go into detail about the events because I wanted to avoid being repetitive. If you really want to know then read my old poems, they explain it best.
Hunter Sep 2019
I lay awake,
Broken glasses,
And try to fickle my hair.

I look up to the sky,
Awaiting some type of answer.

I look down at my legs,
Hardly look normal,
And down at the end of the road is you.
The reluctant royalty looking at the town crier.

The most beautiful sight was thinking I saw you,
As the paramedics put me in the ambulance.
I got out of the stretcher,
And ran to your embrace.

I wasn't ready to die,
Purpose was literally in front of me.
When I got your embrace..
I think that's when I woke up in the hospital

I adore you.
You don't care where I came from.
When I'm gone do you think of me?
When you dream do I make the screen?

I've watched my bridges burned,
And here you are helping me build them.
Life is better now with you,
Loving you,
Making me feel nearer to God or even the heavens.

All I got for you is love,
And the rest of my life.
Let me be your prince,
And let's build our own kingdom.

We can live happily ever after,
I love how that sounds.
Don't you?
Can we do this forever please?
May 1st I tried taking my own life, at this same time I was meeting someone special. What I believe from the drugs the paramedics gave me I visioned this person I adore and I ran to her, It was In that moment I woke up in the hospital. To this day she has been by my side being my crutch I owe her everything.
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