of my pain
i can only tell
on its passing

when it is
a boiling stillness
its the safest way

_iano

Even in the dark;
the sun hidden beneath clouds
smog thick and heavy dousing the streets with gloom

still there’s singing;
in balconies couples dance
the laughter of children playing in the yard despite the weather-

How wonderful humankind can be
when we stand together against the odds.

Shedding skins of old –
                                     peeled from my frigid bones,
                                     touched by sizzling cold,
boiled down
            to just my soul:
Here, I roam.
                          Learning as I go, the beauty of alone.

I dreamt about getting out
14, knobby knees, the urge
To just give in and
Run run run
(Don’t look back)
To the edge of the world.

I was going to leave
this city in the dust.
Find a place safe
For us and our ideals
And never look back
To the edge of the world.

A decade passed
Goals and outlooks
And best laid plans change.
Growing up is pain.
I’m still here.

Is it considered being trapped when you hand-picked your own cage?

I fill my arms
    buying comfort
        trying to buy my certainty


there are dark seeds
    pushed into a corner

my arms are tired
            I have carried all this through the day

my feet are tired
            I have carried all this through my years


pushed into a corner they will wait

our home

      small boxes
                   larger boxes

dark corners

   our home


while they wait

i forget
             I forget to wake
                            I forget to make dinner

in the darkness

   there is comfort in forgetting

  
tendrils are spilling out of the cupboard

                 purple and white
                                     curling and searching

                                                 touching every dark corner

these seeds
        they have not forgotten
                                        to search



i will bury my  comfort and certainty in the yard

   we have out grown our boxes

                            searching for the light

No one will ever be ok overnight
Healing is a process
Processes take time

Time is irrelevant though
Stop watching the clock
Don’t look at your calendar

Just take a breath
Feel that air in your lungs
Keep doing that
Because somebody loves you... somebody

This grief feels like
I got shot in the chest
Three months ago
And I look down
And I can see the hole
With all the blood and the gurgling
And I wonder
How bad is it
But I am still standing
And I am still walking around
And I wonder
When I am going to fall