I look up
From the bottom of the ocean
For I sunk a long,
Long time ago.
I see the sparkling surface.
I can almost feel the warmth of the sun
Creating those magnificent
Waves of light above me.
Almost.
Every time I kick off
From the sandy, dark bottom
I simply sink back again.
I'm tied to the seaweed;
Tangled helplessly.
So I struggle helplessly.

You shouldn't dive this
Deep.
For you will sink, too.
It would be nice to have
A bit of your company,
But you still deserve to be
Free.
So it's okay.
I'll watch you float
In the waves above me.
I'll watch you be happy.
I'll watch you soon swim
Back to the bright, crowded shore.
I'll stay here and hope.
But I can't help but wonder-

What is a prisoner supposed to hope for?

yellow pages, with thin lines
held stiff, within a black spine
hard to uncover, yet so divine
the pages were empty, but the
smell of them, enlightened
the dusty places, in my mind

i sunk my hollow head, into the book
visionless, there was nothing to look
i sunk my heavy head, into the book
and the smell of rain took-
me away to the land of rain
and brown drenched wood-

the place i loved could only be
visited, through this pocket book
my home will always be between
the yellow pages of your book

-Kaya

Sometimes I feel like I am sinking, and as I sink deeper into this black abyss, I think of you, and as I think of you, I start to change my mind, and then I start to crave. Crave for the chance to take a big gulp of air and float to the top. But I've sunk too far down to be saved.

rain dogs
lightn bolts
wet shirt
at forty five

pants soak
holes float
aflush with road
abig like sky


black chai
death sticks
all sunk
I hated it dry

You called me your guiding star
That's quite true.
I burnt myself
and risked my whole existence
Just to light you way
For a few second

You called me your anchor
That's quite true
I sunk myself
To keep you at one place

You compared me with the moon
I get it now why
I scarred myself for life
just to be noticed,
To stand out
from the darkness
all around me

I gave you my all,
'cause i thought i could be your all
I tried to fix you
ignoring how in the process
I almost bled myself to death
I swallowed shards of glass
and yet never let my smile falter
I Wiped Your Tears
While Mine Were Left Abandoned
To Dry On Their Own
I tried healing your wounds
while mine got deeper

And I swear
I tried my best
To spare our friendship
Losing my love was bad enough
but my best friend too?
How on Earth
was i supposed to get through this

So,
I stayed
Put on my daily show
but you knew me
too well to fall for that facade
And that's whAT hurt most
the warmth in your eyes
that once felt like home
sheltering me from world's cold ways
was now gone
replaced
replaced by this coldness

Your skin
was the only home i ever knew
but i realized,
i was not welcome any more*
And I relized that
that hardest way possible
yet i stayed
'cause i just could not leave
I did not know how to leave
I loved you so frigging much
and everything just kept getting worse
YOU WERE NO LONGER THE SUN
but a blackhole
swallowing all the good memories
devouring them all
till there was not a trace of light
inside me
till there was nothing left to me
till i became the ghost
of the girl who i used to be
And all those good days
they seem like a distant dream
and i don't even know if what i'm writing
makes any sense
my hands won't stop shaking
or my head shouting
it keeps yelling
YOU NEVER FELL FOR ME
YOU SLIPPED
UNKNOWINGLY
A MISTAKE'YOU REGRET EVERY DAY