You don't know me.

Please stop pretending that you do.

-a conversation with my brain

You know,
One of those times I was
Looking out the window at the
Night I asked out loud who
You were. It
Wasn’t the first time.
Sometimes I
Cried your name but my
Voice was too heavy with
Tears. And another time I
Screamed your name and my
Hands were in fists. But
Lately it seems all I do is
Whisper your name into the
Dark and hope you’ll hear me
Because I couldn’t speak much louder
If I tried. I won’t
Give up on you though because I
Know someone was there and
Was there all along
Sitting beside me when my
Wrists ran red with blood on the
Cold bathroom floor. And
Someone was there in the
Corner of my eye when
He lay on top of me and held my
Shaking hands down. You were
Watching in silence and I
Kept screaming your name because I
Wanted you to sweep me into your
Arms and I started to lose hope when
You didn’t come like they
Told me you would. But
Now I see you were always there,
Always standing a
Little distance off and believing in me
When I was putting all my faith
In you. And now I see
As I look through the window at the
Night that you were swimming
Behind the reflection of my eyes and
You were there all along,
My unbreakable soul.

His voice drowns out

what my mind could never not.

-10 word story (p)

Afraid, I still am;

for what have been and what could be.

Doubtful, I’ve always been;

of the truth and what lies beneath.

Vulnerable, I always am;

my broken pieces he patched up and healed.

Strung, that I can’t deny;

my heart is his and always will be.

You look for answers you're not sure you're ready for.

-10 word story (p)

I waited for a long time.
But now you're here.

-10 word story (p)

He wasn't afraid to lose her.
She was all his.

-10 word story (p)

The beds of my nails are slowly turning lavender, 

cyanotic they call it. 

I want to whisper to them, 

promise that we will learn to breathe again.
But my lungs are uncertain of that truth,
and the blood does not tell where it hides precious oxygen from me.

I spend my nights laying on the floor. Feeling my heart beat,

the flood of blood through my body.
No one can explain why it races, 

why it thunders like derby horses from head to toes and back again. 

Insomnia sounds like an engine trying too hard to keep us alive, 

like heavy rain beating against capillary walls.

I’m purging liquid poison into the toilet, 

whispering your name like holy, 
like gospel, 

between gasps of breath even though you are far from me, 

And I know that you’ve long since forsaken me. 

Thats why I drink,
to swallow down the pain of missing you,

to slow burn deep in my stomach, 

to turn poison to blood, 

to turn myself numb. 

I wish this didn’t hurt,

even when I know I deserve this. 

The only good thing in my life has been reduced to memories, my tears, I tear into my flesh.
Maybe if I spill my poison blood I could create cure, 

or in the very least drain myself of this vicious viscous fluid and make amends.
I want to be the best I could for you
but I couldn’t even handle being myself.