I. i tried
rolling around
your name
in my mouth
but quickly
spit it out
because the taste
reminded me of
something like
bitter coffee and
regret

II. last year
around this time
i would have
gladly given you
my heart
on a cutting board
screaming at you
arms wide open
to do with it
what you will
but my
how the earth
has made its way
around the sun
so can you
just imagine
the distance
that i’ve come

III. slowly
you’ve become
something of a
lone star in a
vast constellation
to me
an empty idea
something that
died thousands
of years ago

san francisco’s known for its fog
and new york, its cities
and me, i was known for you

there was no me without you
perched at the end of my name
like a comma
incomplete and anticipatory

but every now and then
san francisco beckons in the sun

new york is more than just
one mass of blurred street signs
and the loud comings and goings
of nameless, faceless people

and i’m more than just
one guy who once upon a time
told me he loved me

Run your hands through my hair,
feel my soul barely there.
Hold my pieces frail like glass,
look through them into my past.
It was like sand smooth but course,
then lightning struck with such a force.
It turned that sand into glass,
and now you see my fragile past.

the more time I spend alone
the more guys seems wrong.

the longer I am single
the less I want to mingle.

the more they degrade women
the more I despise men.

I wait for healing above
to warm my heart, thaw out my love

my friends tell me I need ***
other tell me I need help.

but I say to them,
I love myself!!

Yeah I totally love being single!
You can do what you want whenever you want without obligations or having to think about anyone else you can flirt shamelessly with as many guys as you like, there is no pressure to look good for anyone I love that I have all this me time where I can spend a Saturday night reading and listening to the music I like without trying to decode mixed signals in text messages
I never have to depend on anyone but myself.
No one is stressing me out by depending on me.
I can sit by myself on the couch home alone when everyone else is out
And feel completely isolated, unloved and unlovable
I can feel so ugly and obsess over it
I can scroll through pictures of pretty celebrities and models and girls I know online bitterly wishing I looked like them and could be like them so that maybe someone would notice me and give me a chance
I can scream at the radio for playing stupid love songs
I can eat ice cream and chocolate wondering why I am such a waste of space
Thinking of all the guys who have rejected me and dropped me over the years
Have no one to love
Or who loves me
No guy I can trust with my secrets and loyalty
No one who needs me
No one to want
Or make me feel wanted
To spend nights together
Just talking
And watching movies
Being cutesy and flirty with
Lie hand in hand with
No one I can gush about to my friends
No one I can bake for
No one I can buy stuff for, just 'cause
No one I can do random couples stuff with
No one in my life
It's pretty great.
I love being single.

forgotten plans
fade to non existence

we got the night bus back together
but we left on our own
and you never gave me a second glance

through the mud I trek
the long walk back
to my single bed

I think it can be fun to be single and date-like when you don't want a relationship. Or when you've just gotten out of a relationship, and, after get over the initial shock, your thinking, Hey, it's kind of cool being single.  Being single is happy. We all deserve to be happy.

You never told me your
Plans for thanksgiving.
Maybe you knew
By then I
Wouldn't be part of
Your family
Anymore.

I sit here drowning in thoughts of us
Helplessly screaming for your attention
Only to realize you were never there
And so i stop and relax
And float, then swim back to shore