Sometimes I put my headphones in
No music playin
Just to muffle out the background noise
Of all they're sayin ,
all the empty conversation
I'm secretly sat here craving
From Better days when
This paranoia wasn't constantly
Invading my brain and
I could entertain it
Sit here without fear
Cause I was going somewhere
With people I could call friends
Without questioning motivations

Unquestioning motivation
Faltered
Now sleign , altered
And warped by blame
checked into the Awk-ward
I wait in urgency
hoping This was no accident
And I'll imerge and see
The bigger picture
Fat-e
But for now I shrink
Violently
Weight droppin off of me
still feelin heavy
Propped up on this bus seat
Weighing up whether
I should miss my stop
Cause I'm not sat near the bell
And God forbid I ask someone for help

Cause then they'd have to look at me

But don't look at me,
Don't you dare look at me!
I can't face you today
I can't even face me
That's why I don't take a window seat
And you have to begrudgingly
Shimmy past me to take yours
Or walk past to the back
Silently cursing me

I wish you'd sing instead
I've got no music playin
Clear my head
lend an Ear-nestle next to me
Did I not earn your earnesty?
If I've got your back
Won't you back me?
Or will I turn round
Reach out
Only to find your shadow stretchin
Out of reach
Like a weary soul-dier
you take your leave...

I try to shake mine off
Anxietree
Break some branches,
Tryin to get free
Oh-live!
They Silently scream
But I'm struggling
To even make it off my seat
Go live
In three
But I can no longer perform
Go on without me
Forget me
Only thing on the way up
Is mum's spaghetti!
Need some Bob Marley
Get up, stand up
But my legs won't let me!
Musics off
So it's down to me
Get up, stand up
Used to be so easy
Get up stand up

Your bus stop is here

No music playin in my ear
But right now I could do
With a mellowdy

i am unattractive, and i know this.
it's because i can't make myself smile.
it doesn't feel right.
i am unattractive, and i know this.
it's because i can't laugh like i used to.
what is there to laugh at?
i am unattractive, and i know this.
it's because i haven't forgiven him.
i wear the hurt on my face, and i know this.
it's because there isn't room inside for the hatred.
i am unattractive, and i know this.
it's because sometimes i just can't believe that i'm worth it.

I’m still trying to tell you
I can’t make you understand
The way I hurt
The way I hate
Not you, I love you
I will tell you you’re perfect
Until your ears bleed
And you want me to go away
But I will never believe
The words you say
You’re pretty,
You’re beautiful
But you’re a liar
No one would ever say the
Truth
That
I
Am
Ugly.
I know I am
I see myself every day
I know I’m not perfect
I know I’m not good enough
Stop lying and stop repeating
All that crap
You make me want
To run away
Now I hate you too
For lying to me.
Shut the hell up.

I tried to tint my hair red to light this night
But it is dull and stringing out amidst my plant-stained fingers
I tried to dissolve away the lines upon my skin to glow with luminosity
But they are wedged deep and have left gouges of pin-****** behind
I tried to exhume the dead and the dry from my face to better breathe
But instead it filmed over stinging and suffocates

I tried to forget you in order to be free of this
But I am not cleaned of you so easily.

Here I go again
Looking in the mirror makes my own  heart shutter
It's like being porcelain but without the doll
Without the war paint, without the lip stain
I just look sick, just bones after all.
I glide on the tar black lines
With a flick of the wrist I become awake
I become focused, I become defined
But this is something I have to make.
Even then I look away
Not satisfied with my lacking appearance
Lacking brightness, lacking confidence.
Clearly having no brilliance.
I sigh
I leave
I tried.