The hand of my Creator
Was knocking on the door step
Of my heart
Patiently waiting
Always seeking
His lost daughter and child
To return into His mighty arms
- soulwriterj

We travel the world
searching
book to book, blog to blog
Guru to guru, mentor to trainer
Looking, finding, losing

Ultimately return
Empty handed

Only to find it all
And then some more
In the secret
smile
of the heart

I’m going mining today
I’m digging in that place between
My pain
And
My grave

My hands are covered in it
The dirt and the ****
Of a lifetime
Of the lifetimes before me
So far back no one knows their names

I’m searching for treasure
It has to be here somewhere
But so far
It’s just the dirt
The dirt
And
The ****

I’ve dug so deep
I can’t crawl back out
I can’t forget about it
I can’t let it go

It’s death
Or
Treasure

One of them is definitely down here
It’s as simple as that

And so…

I’m going mining today
Like I did yesterday
And the day before… and for everyday I can remember

I’ll dig and dig
Until memory of me fades
And my dreams fall from the sky
Past the stories that promised happiness
Beyond the eyes that captured my heart
Away from the lights of the shore… Into the oily blackness I’ll swim
That place no one wants to follow me to
That place everyone tells me doesn’t exist
I’ll dig
Long enough
Hard enough
With everything I have
And…
When I arrive
I’ll send you a card

I’ll invite you to mine
Follow the tears, the blood, and the sweat
Look for the light of my soul

“That was the treasure!” I’ll declare
“Now let’s find yours”

I’m going mining today
You don’t have to… you can stay
I’m already covered in it…

The dirt
The ****.

Give me something,
I just need anything I can get,
To try to heal it.
I'm trying my best,
Not to forget how to be without it.

I am searching the lines,
Creating new stanzas,
In a hopeless attempt
To get it all together again.

Lately I'm starting to see
Myself seeking attention,
Even if ever so slightly.
I realise I've clung onto things tight,
That make me feel needed,
Those who paid me attention,
And then those same people who then did the opposite:
Because everyone gets bored eventually.

Now I feel like I'm just waiting,
For someone else to forget me,
Another person saying **** it they don't need me.
In addition for a while now,
I've felt my siblings slowly slipping away and away further
To him.

But that's not what this is about,
This is about how self centred I am,
Once again, I guess it will always come back then.
The past years seem to be a sequence of:
Thinking I'm better,
When really I'm just changing the order of the pattern,
I'm just expressing it in different ways.

But I don't know how many more strategies I have left.

And if such a time comes.
I ask for courage anew, happier eyes.
To delve into sweet slumber without sigh.
Time neither passes or retracts.


And in addition I find the least bit bearable.
Unable to drown in total sleep.
The sights seen precious.
I forget where I place my head.


And I hold no grievance against thee.
Heavily affectioned to many a sight.
My eyes swallowed whole,
At happiness's interpretation.


Whilst I not forget, Sandman,
I dream with open eyes

It nourished my garden
this dripping of words
from clouds in thought
and glacier energy
I found my soul
again
etched in this
sacred poetry

I seek... adventure
I seek to find the greatest treasures
I seek an expedition of the furthest corners  

I want to see a world more important than my own.

I seek... discovery
I seek to unearth my hidden self
I seek an expansion of my earnest passions

I want to see my purest nature exposed.

I seek... growth
I seek to expose my dispositions
I seek an awakening of body, mind, and soul

I want to see revolutions I’ve always known deep inside.

I seek... romance
I seek to remain soft and kind
I seek an affection without reservations

I want to see others care for me as I care for them.

What do you seek?

It comes natural.
To want to save time as well as money.
We incur convenience.
Readily available to what we long most.
It occurs quite often.
The constant clipping and saving.
In search of the best deal.
Not taking into consideration that we might be short changing ourselves.
The shredding and discarding of things we don't use.
The big brand we call love.
Thought to be so expensive.
We spend in the product of smiles.
Manufacturing the ounce of time it takes to show how much we care.
The exchange of one thought to another.
Extreme couponing to get the best value of ourselves.
Perhaps without proof of purchase.
We tear ourselves at the lines.
Refined in swift passing.
Saving all the coupons in search of a bulk that satisfies all craving.
Consumers without guarantee.
Constantly clipping and saving.
Rearing ourselves at the line.
A coupon exchanged in saving for a kiss for later