If I rewrite the narrative,
make you say things you’d never-
it hurts a little bit less.

If I picture you sending my screenshots,
laughing with your friends
about how I’m pathetic,
it hurts a little bit less.

If I melt the candy coating off your words
and read them as they are,
my chest doesn’t feel as hollow.
The pages rinse free of hope,
replaced with finality.

If I say it was just a game,
and now I have to log out-
close the window, shut it down,
you’ll never log back in.

My lungs can fill with air again,
My eyes remain dry.
This grief stops sitting on me,
I can stop wondering why.

You’ll always be
my favorite book I picked up-
but maybe you were one
I was never meant to read.

I’m barely a poet,
yet you’re still my muse.
I say it doesn’t hurt-
that my purpose is views.
Steps I take forward
toward moving along
make you more distant,
and that feels ******* wrong.

I know that you know and
it could never be the same.
I just have to figure out
how to remove ache from your name.
The letters, they hurt
when they sit side by side-
and to hear them out loud?
A blast to my mind.

Because I like to spiral,
to wonder and dream.
I erased our messages-
yet here you come on my screen.
You can’t give me an inch-
I will dream a whole mile.
I’ve been that way always,
since I was a child:
hoping and loving
and dreaming for better.
I hate accepting reality-
and this ****** weather.

I can romanticize rain
and thunder and storms,
pretend they can heal me,
make me accept new norms.
But I miss my lover,
so quiet, so sweet,
and leaving that love
drowning feels like defeat.

What you are to me,
is a restless wind,
a boat that’s ever shifting
loose and slowly drifting
on a deep and churning sea,
always blowing, never knowing
where or what you are meant to be,
a moody cloud that’s shifting
through a grey unsettled sky
looking for a something,
although you never know quite why

Why does it feel
Like im wasting my time
Like my life is fading
To the back of the line
When nothing is wrong
But nothing feels right
Do I go back to sleep?
Or do I drown in the night?

I've made a fool of myself
When I said I don't need anyone's help
I can't survive with my eyes on the time
But my own life never felt like mine

When will my dreams feel real
Again
Like they're not just stuck in my
Head
And my body will move like im
Young
And I'll break free from
Everyone

Sometimes her skeleton doesn’t sit right
Before the sunrise and since midnight
The room filled with haze, her chest is too tight
And with every yawn, eyes open in spite

I’ll take this panic attack
And drive her car right off the road
Off the bridge, that sinking feeling
About to sleep and not explode