On the break
Season,
I asked..
Does he miss me?
Why has he never called?
Does he even have an idea why?
Why i left?
Why i try to be happy for him?
Why i hold back my tears?
Why i keep smiling in disguise?
Why he keeps me guessing?

Then in long solitude
I learnt you can't miss
What you replaced.

You told me,
You can't love me because you've lost your commitment.
But that's a lie
Because you've always been committed
Not with me,
But to your past lover.

"Why are u so obsess with being the best?"
-Because I don't want to be replaced by someone better.

I bought a mannequin for $65
it was used, just like you.
it has a stain on its chest
where our matching birthmarks lie
two skin toned islands, both yours.
I carried it home on a rainy evening,
like that wine buzzed night we shared,
baked it your favorite cake,
chocolate, dulce de leche, strawberry.
it was vegan, just for you.
I dressed it up in the clothes you left:
yoga pants, leopard print bralette, black scarf.
your parting gifts.
I'm sure it's cold,
I'll put the space heater on high,
like I always did for you.
it doesn't talk much, it just sits
eyes vacant, without breath,
empty.
like you were at the end.
a fine replacement.
it was used,
just like you.

a ghost on the water
can you see her?
the pasts of people thrown overboard
cast aside
she is waste
second place
proxy for someone better
and she knows
there’s always someone other
than her