"Why are u so obsess with being the best?"
-Because I don't want to be replaced by someone better.

I bought a mannequin for $65
it was used, just like you.
it has a stain on its chest
where our matching birthmarks lie
two skin toned islands, both yours.
I carried it home on a rainy evening,
like that wine buzzed night we shared,
baked it your favorite cake,
chocolate, dulce de leche, strawberry.
it was vegan, just for you.
I dressed it up in the clothes you left:
yoga pants, leopard print bralette, black scarf.
your parting gifts.
I'm sure it's cold,
I'll put the space heater on high,
like I always did for you.
it doesn't talk much, it just sits
eyes vacant, without breath,
empty.
like you were at the end.
a fine replacement.
it was used,
just like you.

a ghost on the water
can you see her?
the pasts of people thrown overboard
cast aside
she is waste
second place
proxy for someone better
and she knows
there’s always someone other
than her

"What you did to me is unheard of. Unspeakable. You are repulsive. Goodbye."
I can't deal with you no more.
You were my best friend.
Called me a b** and h and so, so much more.
At this point,
if you don't know those two words,
then you haven't been in this sort of situation.
He was my best friend.
My best friend.
It's still burned in the back of my mind.

Surprising,
isn't it,
when the person you trust the most
doesn't just bail,
but hurts you.
The person you loved the most
makes you stay up crying in bed.
The person you loved the most
makes you feel afraid of going to school
or unlocking your phone.

At this point,
I have given up.
My real friends are my old friends,
the ones everyone thought I would dump forever.
But, they always lurked in the background
of my life.
They may have been shoved to the side,
but never did they fade.

These are the friends that were by your side
through the hardest times.
Before you meet the one friend you
get crazy close with in one night and
pretend
trust grows on trees,
think about your old friends.
The ones you might be mad at for a stupid,
stupid reason.
Give them a chance.

Don't let the others fade,
just because you found a new "them."

You've replaced them.
But, the replacement will fail to serve.

Why would you pretend
that you weren't in love with me;
continuing to play so dangerously
against others' skins,
trying to tempt something
from within yourself to not be
so **** obsessed,
so obsessed, I see,
that as soon as I was let go,
you looked inward
and started to project parts of me
onto every other girl.

she gives you everything i couldn’t give
she understands your pain & anger
she comforts you
that's all you ever needed
my problem was that i needed someone to understand ME and comfort ME
i wasn’t in the mental state of caring for someone else when i couldn’t take care of myself
i sound selfish but its the truth
when we were together i gave you a burden thinking you could help me out
and i expected you to understand my problems when i didn’t understand it myself
don’t put the blame on me
if you knew i was broken
if you knew you couldn’t fix me
then why’d you come into my mess
and leaving saying i didn’t give enough
i gave what i could and what i couldn’t give, i didn’t
i'm not perfect but maybe she is

i was blue but You wanted red,
i felt it in everything You left unsaid.
You said You loved my icy glow,
but You prefer her rosy manifesto.
you can me let go, you can rebuff,
i understand i’m not good enough.