she and I had fleed around from each other for so long that finally we just got tangled up together and lay down

"Having depression and anxiety is so conflicting because, its wanting to do everything, but wanting to do nothing at all, its wanting to score high on a test, but not having the energy to study, its being afraid to lose your best friends, but not having the energy to hang out with them, its sitting in your bed at 3 in the morning worrying about the future you don't even want to have."

we all want something or someone we can relate to.

The best I have felt in the past 74 days are the days I didn't at all. The ones where I allowed the arctic freeze to clench my veins. My Days took a leap year. Leaving us solidly broken. A times table of rejected latitudes.

We stood at the edge of the world. And By we I mean I.. And I was not standing I was crouched. Feeling out the curve of the earth. Acknowledging that we are all too similar.

We have both been walked on too many times now. Our trenches are deep and less than 5 percent of them have actually been discovered. These mountain tops of ours are hard to reach, but it can be done.

Both of us, holding enough water to give life to those around us. Enough solid for others to feel supported. Air to split atoms and remind others, that maybe this life is worth living. And gravity that keeps us both grounded.

We are one in the same. Spinning madly in empty space too big for us to understand. Feeling small in the presence of giants. Victim to our surrounds. And heated at the core.

Alone. Surrounded by nothing and everything at the same time. I spin. Becoming dizzy. Pondering the impact of actions on my crust. Waiting for someone to treat me better.

Ever felt like life is unfair to you?
Ever felt like you've no true friends?
That the world is very cruel to you?
Got confused among who's your best friend?
Made bunch of friends but no one there in time of help?
Ever felt that way?
Ever felt mopey and dim-witted without a SLR , because everyone's busy changing their Dp's on FaceBook with one.
Ever felt like buying those 6 inches shoes ,though we'll never walk in it , but people got to see it ,right?
Ever felt like cutting internet connection from your house, because of that we're not able to achieve all the great conquests of life.
Ever felt like ,you've wasted all the opportunities life had given you and now you're futile , plus it's too late to start all over again?
Ever felt scared of telling that person that how much you like them?
Ever? Ever felt like you're ugly?
Ever felt like you're not one of those magical school guys or gals of Hogwards.
Ever felt like "No, you're not awesome." Ever felt like "I'm not in a relationship , am I that ugly?"
Ever felt like no one loves you?
Ever felt like the whole world is happy , but not you?
Ever felt like you **** in everything?
Ever felt like killing that person because he/she is flirting with the person you love?
Ever felt like to know what you're from other people's view? Well , that's life.

written March 23, 2013

"It's not fair
How one can make your heart beat hesitantly when he's not even in your presence
Just one single thought
Or memory
Or picture
Reminding you of the person you used to be
Happy and loved
and now...
People always why you're so quiet all the time
Or why you seem sad
And even though it's blind to you, to others they see the person you have become
Broken and lonely
It's no wonder you sit at home and torture yourself
With his pictures and thoughts
Just to get a small memory
To remind you of those feelings you once felt
Before everything went wrong
When you were the person you wish to be now
And it's not fair
Because he sits at home
With no memory or thought
Just presence in front of him
No past, no feelings
And you sit here and wonder if he's moved on
Or if he even cared in the first place
And it's not fair
To have to sit through this and think
That he didn't care at all
While you remember all the smiles he put upon your face
Or the way he kissed your lips for the first time
Sitting on that bench, after the first date
What a wonderful date it was
And it's not fair
To hear my own thoughts rush through my head
While his are silent
And I lie here, tears dripping down my face
While he's sleeping peacefully
Without a thought
Without a memory
Without me"

I love to stare at clouds
Not because of the fact that they can be
Whatever suits me
When you stare at them

My love for clouds is because they are
Such a cliche metaphoric version of me
Clouds are made up of little things
Always running from their past

But eventually they will make life hell
With words of rain they spit onto you
Strike you down with lightening
Only then do they realize what damage
And despair
They had caused the innocent
And much like me the clouds
Disappear into the thin air

When I’m alone,
My mind is tearing me apart,
I cry myself to sleep,
I crave the days to see you.
Because when I’m with you,
My mind is blank,
My mind doesn’t tear me apart,
I can be happy,
Because you bring me joy,
Happiness,
You bring me what I can’t have when I’m alone
You bring peacefulness into my life.
And I crave the day I next see you.

But the day when it all comes to an end,
When I won’t see you anymore,
The days will flood back to me
Where I can no longer think straight again,
And I will cry myself to sleep again,
Because I won’t have you,
I won’t be happy,
And I think to myself
Is this it?
Is this how I’m gonna be spending these years?
With a jumbled mind and broken heart?
I just want you.

Nobody knows the girl
The girl that hides behind a mask
The girls that is broken
But continues to smile
Until she gets home
Away from everyone
Where she is alone
When she is trapped in her deepest thoughts
And nobody can save her
That girl
That girl is me.

Help.
Help me from my thoughts.
Help me from my darkness.
Help me hide my true self.
Because if you met me
You will run,
You will avoid me,
Hide from me
You will be scared of me,
So help me
Help me put my mask back on,
So you won’t have to see me