The violins are playing their favourite symphony tonight.
The same four bars, a repeated melody;
One so familiar they no longer need to see the notes,
Only to feel them dance

A fusion of opposing keys
All headed in the same direction
Bows slicing the air with fervour
We’ve been here before

Sinisters sound echo in my head
Their subtle forte consuming my being
I no longer wish to feel the notes
Only to see it end

Bows are placed on the stands
The violins have stopped,
Yet the metronome continues to drip onto the counter
the notes continue to dance in the rain

The violins played their favourite symphony tonight.
I wish I had the strength for it to be their last

tonight is the first time in 45 days that I have considered calling to ask to shoot me dead (EVEN WHEN HE CALLED ME TO SAY HE COULD GET ME HIGH AGAIN)

I WANT TO DIE BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T LOVE ME LIKE SHE USED TO
but even more because I don't love her at all anymore

I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD EVER HAVE TO FEEL LIKE THIS AGAIN
you said you could only love me sober
BUT WHAT DOES ANOTHER KEY TAG MEAN TO SOMEONE SO ******* DEAD INSIDE

YOU CRIED THE LAST TIME WE KISSED
and I didn't want to use behind it
BUT I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW STUPID I FEEL BECAUSE I STILL DREAM OF THE WAY YOU USE TO PRESS SMACK INTO MY WRISTS

AND HOW ******* **** YOU LOOKED WITH MY BLOOD STILL ON YOUR LIPS

and maybe this has more to do with the fact that you only ever made me feel lonely
AND I AM PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF DOING THAT ALL ALONE

so this is about the next time I don't answer the phone
and you can thank the rig on the top of my book case

And I know,
'Just one last time'
Has been uttered too many times,
Over these white lines,
But whatever kills the cravings,
Sweet amnesia - drag me deeper,
And wrap me up,
Cocoon me in your sweetest daze
Take me on my favourite ride,
And bleach these teardrops dry.

I knew this time would arrive again;
My weighted eyes and tired insides;
My not so central nervous system set awry,
With twitching fingers and flickering eyes.
Tell my mother I'm sorry.
I'm at the doctor's door again,
To me this is no surprise.

The worst part about the heat
Is that everyone can see
My one release
My deadly tease
I guess the arms aren't a good choice anymore

you look like new fallen rain
you taste like honey
but your soul is bitter
and your heart is stone

I... I think I’m relapsing
I’m unsteady
Unstable
The aching in my heart
Won’t quit
It’s empty
My body tense and shaking
I’m still in control
It’s not like it was
But it’s not a good sign...

I feel like running
I want to hide
To slip deeper into darkness
Dwell in the night
I want to throw these burdens
Off my weak shoulders
The heaviest of which
Is how much you care
It’s keeping me here
Teetering on the fulcrum
Between recovery and relapse
And I guess we’ll see
Which way the burdens
Force me to lean

I’m so **** scared
Of relapsing
So I play these games
Distract myself
Even as the feelings creep in
I tell myself a different story
Make up some excuse
Point them anywhere else
But now I’m so confused
I can’t remember what were lies
Except for the one truth:
I’m so **** scared
Of relapsing