The first pang is small
Like the bite of bug
Then you can feel the pain crawl
Suddenly your dragging
The empty feeling lashing
In you gut

No more you cry
No more tears
The begging of why
Though the darkness never replied
The silence is screaming
You pray to just be dreaming

The silence is screaming
The comes a whisper cutting in
Those voices, you're wearing thin
The voices are deeming
Their scheming!
You can't take what their dealing

Just make it stop
Stop the shadow looming above
Your ear makes a pop
To **** this crud
You bet for any drug
But it's futile and painful

The doctor doesn't approve
Nothing can't be removed
You hear their breathing
Their whispering
You cry for their disappearing
But that dream isn't nearing!

Nothing is curing
Your only fearing
The sadness won't be clearing
Then you see the razor
A careless, simple razor
Maybe just a graze or,
A slice

Just one you question
And they agree
Just one run, now two
You can see the desolation
But they SCREAM to make it ******
The cuts keep coming through and through

They get quieter and quieter
You wonder their silence
Then you see the razor slowing
The key is glowing
A blood drop or two for their compliance
Nothing had ever felt tighter

You are no fighter
So you grip that razor tighter
Till they come back
If only the support hugged you back
Maybe then this wouldn't be so lonely
Maybe you'd be happy
Maybe you'd be ok
Maybe... You wouldn't be here in the first place

Talk to me about finding happiness
When you've got nothing else to eat
Talk to me about choosing to smile
When you're losing every mile
Grinding and unwinding
By the skin of your ***** teeth

Talk to me about working full time
When no money is made
And forget getting laid!
Talk to me about exercise
When the rest of your life
Is spent inside all day

Talk to me about making decisions
When your various synonyms
Mean little to nothing
Creating minimal difference
Literally it's the victim learning
To step outside of the prison box
Listening to your inhibitions
While filling your mind with self-talk

The waking life of daily decisions
How you can verse them
Rehearse them
And then learn with precision
How to carefully
Collectively craft
Your very own vision

But the minimum preliminary basis
Is that you have to be free
You can't be stuck in a cage unheard
Left with nothing further to be
You can't be three fingers short
Pretending the keys that you see
Aren't dangling from an olive branch
That's just out of reach
The very notion loses motion perpetually
Until you're all alone in the ocean
Perceptually

Eventually when you're banned
And barred and feeling diseased
There's only two ways to return
Time and terminally
So don't look to me
Wondering why I'm stuck in a ditch
When you're the one that can leave
You delusional *****

Spit it out in a spray of characters,
Shuffle those thoughts onto coherent lines
Share your pain
The ****** purge
The biting bile rising
The filthy **** of
Disparagement
Legs spread wide
Slippery wet ploys
sleezy
Manipulative cuntery
The rotting festering ire
******* on the page
The purge
The last word
Leave it here, the rage
The injustice the disrespect
The insolence All left here
On this ******* page.

i overthink
i panic
i stress
i worry

but

i trust
i care
i stay
i love