I can laugh
about you and tell my friends
i’m over you.
I can tell them
I deserved better and how
you don’t mean anything to me anymore
because
you damaged me.
I can tell myself
I am better off without you
and
I can remind myself the destructive aspects of us in hopes of
getting rid of our nostalgic memories.
I can tell myself
“everything happens for a reason”
in hopes of self awareness on how
we weren’t made to last
(though God, I really thought we were going to).
but here is the thing about me and i hate it so much
I can’t erase you from my head
I persistently think of what we could’ve been or
what we could’ve done to change what had happened to us
(why did this have to happen to us?)
what ifs expand through my brain,
colliding and becoming clusters of thoughts that keep me up at night
as i stare up at the ceiling
I can’t fully move on
when you’re still a part of me.
your touch lingers on my skin
and
your laugh echoes in my ears.
my lips burn from remembering and feeling your gaze on them.
I can’t listen to songs that used to make me dance
I have to sit in silence some nights as i drive home,
scared our song will come on the radio.
I can’t listen to songs that once made me dance
because
I might end up in tears midway through it.
I can’t go to certain places, even when I know i would go
with people who love and support me
because we made plans to go there.
Hell, i cant even go back to some spots knowing of the past we had there.
I can’t eradicate you from me.
and God, I want to.
but here is the thing about me and i hate it so much
i still detect as though you feel the same too. i have hopes you think of me and us, the potential we had and if we could ever reconnect. (am i being foolish for this?)
but here is the thing about you that i hate so much
you can’t.
you c a n ’ t.
these are the parallels
between
you and i.
