I want to rip my skin clean off
Rip my flesh off
Show off my carcass and shout to the world
"See me! See me ****** and broken
See my nervous system flail below me
and love me anyway!"
I feel no connection to the flesh
I feel little hesitation digging my fingernails into it
The pain, however, gives me pause
It resets my mind, unforgiving and real, informing me
"It isn't over
you do not need to mangle yourself
to be known
to be loved"
I am a mosaic of everything
Everyone I have loved
Everything I have loved
I fall apart easy
I make myself into art easier
When I am raw, would someone notice?
Would someone spare me more than a passing glance?
Would they want to turn away?
Would my bones give more pause than my flesh?
See me
See my hurt
Feel my hurt
Know it
Know me
Know who I am
Know what I love
Or at least don't leave
Just listen
Or pretend to
Or don't
I don't mind
Stay
Stay sometimes
Stay every once in a while
Every blue moon
Step into my blood and drink for a while
Take my carcass
Take my flesh
Take my blood
Take my breath
Take my love
Just don't take yourself away from me
I am not scary
My desperation does not make me fearsome
I am not awful
I am not horrid
I am me
I am
I am
I am
I am
Who am I?
Am I the girl who breathes?
The person who sleeps?
The man who writes endlessly?
The woman crying in a cafe somewhere?
The stray cat during a rainstorm?
The teenager at a payphone?
The teenager staring at the world?
A man looks at his wife on the beach
He says to her
"Look at the world
no, really, look.
I know I see,
but what do you see?
She smiles at him
Tucks her sweaty hair behind her ear
and speaks in music
"I see hope
and I see pain
I see more
and I see again"
He doesn't understand what that means
Maybe she doesn't, either
but he sees the stars in her eyes
and feels what he does not know
"I see you
when you look of at the horizon
I think I see you more in those moments
than I ever do otherwise.
What do you dream of?
When you stare like that?"
She hums like starlight
Ponders like a calm, wondering shore
"I dream of my flesh," She begins sweetly
"Of what the dirt will see
when I am beneath it.
That will be the only time
I will be unable to know myself."
He doesn't understand what that means either
but his heart does
She does
Her rawness does
Her bones do
They smile together at him, one in his love
He smiles back, unflinching
Drinking her in
Never looking away

You know that I love you,
but I wish I could live you.

Experience the world like you do.

To touch it, with your delicate fingers.
To see it through your eyes so blue.

How different would our love feel
if I could live that love as you.

To feel our passionate kisses 
through your soft and tender lips.
Or the feel of what it feels like.
when you do that thing-
You know.
the one that makes me flip!

Yes Baby I wish that I could live you,
if only for a moment or two.

So I could feel your love for me,
the way I feel my love for you.

You can run
but you
can't
hide

I
see
everything

I am the shadow
blurring in the dark
I am the eyes
keeping vigil through your window
I am the striking gaze
causing you to glance around
paranoid

Foolish lovely
you left your door
unlocked

knife glint
floorboards creak
door squeaks softly
feet padding on carpet
your silhouette
asleep
in
bed

Wolf smile
mouth watering
teeth glistening
eyes sparkling

You awake when you feel
cold
steel
on your throat

Your eyes widen
flinching
mouth opens
scream
piercing
panicked
desperate
beautiful

"there's no one here to save you now, darling."

your terror and pain is
palpable
flooding my soul with utter
satisfaction
as you squirm under your
restraints

my knife traces your skin in pleasing patterns
leaving crimson fire in its wake
drip
drip
drip
eternity passes
time in a blink
the life drains from your body
and your eyes

exhale
a swift wipe of the knife on the stained carpet
one last predator smile
another hunt
another masterpiece
finally, again, I feel
good

tiptoe
out the door
gloves buried swiftly
back in bed
again
dreaming
of you

of that first
blissful
cut