i crave you,
and i haven't the slightest of clue why.
i just do, and its pathetic.
(i'm pathetic; they were right)
i find myself constantly with these letters
pouring out, forming words,
forming sentences, forming paragraphs
about you, and i know that
you'd not spare me a second glance
if our paths were to cross again.
yet i find that
everything about you, intoxicating
from the ghost smile on your lips to the
humourless laugh that resonates so clearly,
and i find that I love you, so i'll say it one last time
and in return i'll hear yours, barely there;
your soft, petal I love you, too.
(do you really mean it?)
maybe we're just not built to last.
[And our time's up so I'll leave, and I hope
that I'll be able to forgive myself for letting you go.]

I wanna get really drunk and tell you all the things I'm too afraid to tell you sober,
and I want you to call me drunk and whisper my name and tell me that you've been in love with me all along but we both know how stubborn i am and how proud you are and we both know that you deleted my phone number a long time ago and you're not planning on calling it any time soon but that's okay,
I'm okay.
I'm fine without you, no matter how much my heart burns and my head aches of your absence and how I find relief in my own puddle of tears, mixed with blood, bled only for you.
You were my sunshine when i wanted rain, and my star when I wanted clouds and I guess I was just the skip of your heartbeat, and just a mere breath taken away,
I still think about kissing you all the time, but it seems to hurt much more now as my hopes turned to cigarette butts and you being mine turned to dust.
I guess you were just the fog polluting the air, and I found it hard to breathe around you, you were the summer rain nobody wanted but I liked summer rains, they washed all my pain away, while the sun was still shining.
Maybe I was just the dirt on your shoes, you cleaned me over and over again, making me disappear and I always came back on rainy days where you accidentally step into a puddle of mud and I'm once again stuck on your shoes.
The frickle of sparkle in your eyes has me thinking and everytime I look myself in the mirror and focus on my dull eyes, all I see is you.
I wonder what kind of thoughts cross your mind every time you lay your eyes on me, and it's so wrong of me to be satisfied with the smile of pity on your face everytime you see me.
And i keep rereading all the sad poems I ever wrote you and it made me realize how much I was in love with you and how that unrequited love is slowly dying and fading away, the wind taking all the dust and broken pieces you left of me and making them sink into the sea.
Maybe this is your way of showing your power, the control you have over me, to brag to your friends about the pathetic girl who is in love with you and sees you through different eyes and finds you eternally fascinating.
And as i look through the window pane of my dad's car while we‘re driving through town, i see you in my own reflection and I see you on the sidewalk holding some other's girl hand and I see you in the moon and all the stars and rushing cars and I can't help it but you're my every thought, you have possesed me and I don't think I'm gonna survive this storm and I'm not even sure that I want to.
You're the fire and flame and I'm just a melted candle under your stare.

I'm waiting for the train.
Its a really lovely day.
Theres a rainbow in the sky,
like sugar for my eyes.
The air is nicely crisp,
healing my cracked lips.
But over the hills hails a dark cloud,
a gauntlet called out aloud.
The train will now be departing at 9:22,
now what the **** am I supposed to do?
The weather gets slightly colder,
the rainbow gets bolder,
goes from rainbow to rain blowing.
The anger in me starts showing.
My lips are in agony,
my hands buried in either side of me.
And just as a raindrop hits me in the eye,
the train shows up,
at 10:05

I once spied no star  .  .  .
Who painted himself a sun,
  .  .  .  Child making believe.

I wore his boxers to sleep, that he let me keep, and when I dreamt, it’s what made me weep, for when I woke up, it was all gone, reality paraded back into my head, and I raised my fist and hit my pillow, because wow 9 months it has been and I am pathetic for still missing you.
A.p.