Lord of life,
Lord of breeze, of warmth and softest light
Lord of song and answered cries
Lord of long days and sleepless nights

Lord of rest
Lord of this stabled space to reflect
Lord of this precious gift of stillness
I confess you caught my breath

Lord of promise
Lord who gifted this anointed child
Lord of fresh mercies, of long goodness
I weep in the sheen of his just-fed smile

I breathe a quiet celebration (lest he wakens)
and marvel at this still starry light
I wonder at this crowning moment
and whisper thanks for this long-promised life

I pledge my life to raise our son
to teach him the wonders of your kingdom
I surrender him now, done and done
and pray he grows in strength and wisdom

I thank you, Lord, for this new life
and wonder again in mid-elation
how Mary contains her cradled delight
while swaddling the first-born of your new creation

Hi, I'm

little girl, you're a dreamt dancer, a once hopefully ballerina, in a music box that was built at an early age.
bigger life will be reflected back to you, but not for you.

This is my wife,
This is my mother,

young woman, why are you here?
why did you let them do this to you?

I call her Honey.
We call her Mom.

"no, wait, I'm
know me
remember who I am/was," you say.

Honey! Where is...
Mom! Can you...

          , far from the path now.
a maze of thorns and always sickening surprises.

must get the dose right, must make sure the carb count is right, must check that the blood sugar is right for the son who can't do it himself.

life's toss of a coin, suspiciously rigged perhaps? superstition? i don't know, but you're cornered, back to the wall, no railing.

must do all the paper work, must support all of his dreams, must do all of the planning, mustn't have time for yourself, your life.

must continue.

HONey! I need you to...
Mom! Look at...

where have you gone, dreamt dancer?
oh, to the Graveyard.
inside the mind where wild thoughts and hopes and adventure go to pass.

no support, only frayed webbing leading to nowhere, or to venom, sister, brother, "friend".

only you now. and me I guess. unwilling, but an understanding therapist. an angry observer and a tired voice. the daughter to the mother.

Well, what the **** do you want me to do, HONEY!
Mom! Come here!

you're tired, I know. painful sleep and long nights dedicated to other people along with your mind. your body, your bones are load bearing. it's an incalculable weight when caring for others.

Insert Your Name Here:

HONEY! HONEY! HONEY!

I don't know, HONEY! HONEY!

Mom! Mom! Mom!

Hey, Mom!

They are ours.

The still small, smiling, crying
laughing, angered, forever hungry
Except for when its time to eat
Children.

Your children from your hips
My children from my *****

The answered prayers.
That flit to and fro
Fast and slow.
The sleepless nights
And late mornings
And causes of worry
And constant delight

We made those.

Father God
Doesn't spare the rod
Or spoil
Any boi or goil.

In the quiet moments, I think of you,
A father once strong, with a heart so true.
But a shadow crept in, took hold of your hand,
And led you away to a distant land.

The bottle became your closest friend,
A bond we watched, but couldn't mend.
We lost you somewhere in the haze,
As you wandered through those endless days.

But Dad, I miss the man you were,
The one who held me, safe and sure.
I forgive the choices that you made,
The battles fought, the price you paid.

I hope these words can reach your heart,
And light a fire, a brand-new start.
May you see life with clearer eyes,
And cast away those old disguise.

Let's build a bridge, you and me,
To cross the past, and set us free.
For in my heart, you still belong,
My love for you remains so strong.

So here I stand, with open arms,
Hoping to heal, to mend the harms.
Let's find our way, let’s make it right,
And walk together, into the light.

daycare drop off
he sees me cross a sunbeam on the way out
rushes up to stop me
and gets me to crouch so he can give me a 'sunbeam hug’ (his words)