Crinkling, sizzling
grey, listful energy
always
waiting for the collapse,
perhaps it can hear the discordance
in your voice
when you tell me
it's over.

I was willing
To do everything for you
I was willing to sacrifice my happiness for you
But your selfishness clouded your appreciation
It pushed me away
And I'm allowing it to.

I am he that needs redemption—
Does the Earth know exemption?
A boy and his pen I dream of books.
A boy and his pen I dream of quasar.

Now redemptions on your mind when you think about me.

the last time i allowed myself
to cry over you,
to hurt because of you,
was when things ended,
when the cuts were fresh
and the blood hadn’t clotted
that’s it.
you can’t rub salt in a scab.
my wounds have healed.
you didn’t leave me broken,
you left me numb
which is just as dangerous.
stop dredging up the past
digging up graves at 2 am
you and your friends,
the tomb raiders.
there’s nothing there
but scattered remains
and dust.
i hope you know,
that april 5, 1 am
was the last time i gave a ****.

the red is far too deafening -
shut palms around my ears
and yet the world is on screaming fire.
my finger joints crack in my eardrums
while the sunflowers roll in the mud.
firecracker red; fire engine red
took a nap in a sack,
the sun never goes away.

if i may i would turn to pray
to a man up in city hall
where the crowds prey,

i'm asking for a bellyache from hunger,
a shadow to leave my body -
not quite the youthful sunshine
with flaming ash in the air.

please be quiet - you're neither
the hysterical patient, nor
one who needs the normalising
medicine - you would not wish.
it is growing on me, much like
a generous parasite.

Remember me fondly,
or not at all.

u could see the brokenness in me.
u could see the darkness behind this mask.
u could see that i tried, yet i fail then lying on the ground, given up.
u could see i was overwhelmed.
u could see i was trying to fight against the war in my head.

the pain,
the suffering,
i am hurt.
u could see that.
u wanted me to trust u,
u wanted me to open up to u,
u said u could help.

when i gave u the keys to this locked door,
u ran up to me,
u held me up when i fell.
u shooed away what was there crowding and surrounding me.
u held up the sword and told me to stand behind u, u wanted to help me fight.
but we fought together,
and it was almost over.

now i’m picking up shattered glass.
one pricked your hand, u bled,
but u continued.

i hoped u didn’t see the glass bead tears under those light.
the light that u brought into this darkness.
i’m really thankful that u helped me,
if only it wasn’t over so soon.
could u stay with me?
i want u to, please?
i... i—,, 92&/@/&/&
i— love you.