To my beloved young souls of this named generation,
Do you seek a voice to remind you of the true essence within us, away from the misconceptions and judgments?
We are not merely the "me-me" self-centered beings, painted as lazy narcissists.
Let us reject the labels of self-interest, self-absorption, and self-indulgence,
For we are capable of much more than self-inflating.
In the annals of human history, let us not be haunted by the false idol of "Self,"
Instead, let our actions be guided by compassion and empathy.
Though older voices warn of destruction and collapse, painting a barren landscape of temptation and immorality,
We, the Y's, Z's, and millennials, defy such narratives and strive for something greater,
Our destiny lies not in becoming mere ego bubbles, but in shaping a world of substance and purpose.
Bound by neither trends nor lustful pleasure, we seek a true and meaningful civilization.
The fabric of morality may appear to unravel, but its preservation is a price we cannot bear to lose.
Look beyond the surface allure of life's trinkets, for often the glitter obscures true value.
We have traded moments of existence for shallow approval, forsaking our inner selves.
Yet, even the grandest tombs turn to dust, reminding us that true worth lies in the legacy we leave.
Had we possessed the courage to champion righteousness, this letter would remain unwritten.
In life, only four certainties endure: progress, change, evolution, and uncertainty.
But let us not be like dogs returning to their ***** or fools drawn back to the flames.
A day will come when we must reckon with our mistakes and seek redemption.
Believe it or not, the choice lies within us.

I was never an open letter.

I am that mail that the postman had lost while sending other letters.

I am that letter that was never received.

Ohh wow congratulations,
Finally, you are engaged with your one and only!
Noice!! Naah I’m not feeling anything,
Or maybe I am, I don’t know why my heart is heavy, I was knowing this from the very start, but it’s just I am not feeling good enough to feel anything!

Because I was waiting for you to realize that we can be back with each other! And hoping you to realize that you are losing someone who truly loves you and will never leave your side.

But you hit me with a shock of your engagement picture, but it has been only a year since we broke up and, you moved on so quick. How is that possible? I will never forget that day.... that hell of the day 16th Nov 2019! We broke up...! and, exactly one year, you are engaged with the girl I hate most, The girl for whom you cheated on me or, you cheated her, for me. Haha, I don’t know what is more accurate. Funny!

It’s not like I’m jealous or something, but you wished me in Diwali just two days ago and talked to me like nothing had happened, Saying “I was waiting for your message" what the hell do you want from me? Am I a toy to you? When you feel like tearing my innocent heart you do without any hesitation. You always do this to me, always messaging and showing love and care to me when you don't even know how I am doing, or how my mental state is. you always did things as per your, please.

I never complained anything to you because, at some point in my life, I loved you more than myself and also don’t want you to pity me for loving you this much..!!

But, today ill say my heart out and, I'll ask my heart out! They say people do silly things when they are in love and, so I. I don’t wanna say but, now they term it as using someone’s kindness for nothing and I did things which I’ll never do for myself and, in exchange What the hell you did to me? Did you ever thought of me as your girl? Did you ever loved me, even for a couple of seconds? or ever wondered what the **** I was to you? Just tell me honestly!

I am done with lies .. so please, at least today, tell me the truth. I must know the truth!

I don’t have any regret to be part of your life, and I promise I will not complain a thing, and BTW to whom you think I will complain? You already know... I had only one or at least a myth of having one..!! And that one is no more mine. Or never was Haha..!! So much confusion!

Lots of mixed feelings are hitting me up! And even I am unable to write this **** on blank paper! What I’m gonna do with this ******* life when I don’t have enough guts!

I know, I wasn’t this miserable any before! We were never at the same level, we had differences too like other couples but, somehow we managed everything up. And, I still don’t know where and when we started partying ways... I don’t know what I did wrong to make you find someone else to fill that gap. But now I don’t know what I am, who I am! maybe it would have different if you had told me it on your own rather than finding things like this, today, and also one year ago.

I can’t trust anybody anymore, and you are the reason! It’s still unbelievable you, you did this to me!

To be honest, I still can’t believe that you are already someone else’s, while I’m still struggling with my feelings! People think I am too slow but, I know, I don’t want to forget you and our memories, how happy we were with each other but, now it’s confusing, I can’t believe things have gone too far this early.  I never said to you but, I was too fast to dream about our future life of being together, happily ever after!

so it's hurting! just that!

And now there is not a single reason for being ***** like hell. I am tired of being a good ex-girlfriend turned into a good close friend. So today, finally, I am saying goodbye to you and my feelings. It’s heavy and, I can’t lift that weight! And Yes, one more thing..!! Please tell your friends to stop seeing me as a matter of gossip. I was thankful for their support in our hard times but, now you had made me pity object so, they check on me just to get entertained by my feelings, which is just not acceptable.

So, goodbye!

today, i will wake up and think of you. the first thing will be about how your eyes had the color of all the storms that left this year. next will be your hair, in flaming red, as if to make up for all the colors your heart has been drained of for loving me. then, i will think of the way i wrote you poems amid writer’s block; every line, a compulsion, an obsession of i love you's rephrased. i will think of the feel of your skin, cold, but burning, like mercury fires crashing to the poles.

then, i will remember the chipped nails and back scratches and the heat of the whiskey, rushing from your mouth to mine. i will remember october and her rooftop letters we sealed with the skyline's silhouette. i will remember how they have become a foliage of words i refused to stop writing — and words you refused to read. i will remember how we wished to be paper cranes flung to the sun, how i have become icarus incarnate, falling, and crashing back to the earth. today, i will wake up and remember how loving you became my flight and my downfall. i will let the pain eat me up, rip my lungs, one flashback at a time. i will let the pain break me and break me and break me until there's nothing left to break.

and then one day, i will wake up darling, without sleeping next to make-believe alternate endings, without addressing you in apostrophes, and without the storms tailored to be metaphors for you. one day, i will wake up without wondering if you were ever hurt the way i was. i will wake up without thinking of you. i will wake up without the slightest traces of pain.

and then i will let you go.

our falling apart isn’t like having heartbreak lines sitting on my chest, waiting to be written when i wake up and realize you’re gone. it isn’t like sinking into the absence of your coffee-scented lips on my temple, or walking into a dust storm caught in the sunbeams in your room. it isn’t like those cold, two a.m. nights where you find yourself singing stay with derek sanders and breaking down into a puddle of unbearable pain, hoping that each guitar strum will take you away from our memories.

no, our falling apart isn’t like that. it isn’t immaculate.

it isn’t an indie-film-kinda-heartbreak, nor is it poetic.

you see, we fell apart simply because you loved me — you loved me so ******* much, darling.

and i wasn’t quite sure what to do with it.

you always ask why i always stay in my room, in that voice that always made me feel small and vulnerable — the one that always made me feel like a five-year-old girl wishing that the blankets and the stars will hush the thunders.

you always ask why, dad, and yet you always find ways to hurt me the moment i come out of this four-walled shell, ashen and gray from all the storm clouds circling over my head. you always find ways to spot the cracks on my skin, like i was just another wall in this crumbling house. you always find ways lasso your words around my throat — tighter and tighter, i can no longer breathe. you always find ways to unhinge my mind; to unbottle all the tears and all the loose pieces of my heart hastily stitched out of place.

dad, i am caught in a trojan war brewed by my demons, and you are paris, piercing all of my achilles heels; stitched; tender; still healing from all the poisoned arrows you shoot — a year ago. two years ago. three. four. and for years and years, you always find ways to crush me, like the cans of your empty beer. you always find ways to crack and snap this bent framework; my bones are broken from the weight of your words. you always find ways to hurt me and hurt me and hurt me and hurt me again — like i was never the little girl you played dolls and cooking sets with; like i was never the little girl you watched disney movies with. like i was never the little girl you used to love — dad, i am still she, now trapped in the body of an adult. i am still she, now trapped in the prison of a dusty room you unknowingly co-erected. and i guess i'll stay right here where i'm trapped, but safe. i guess i'll stay right here where the voices only come from my demons.

i'll stay right here where you can't see me.

i'll stay right here where i'm not hurt.

How possibly can I listen to you
If you are trying to shove it down my throat
If my eyes bleed more abundantly than tears fall
but what else can come out but blood
After you allow my head to be stuffed with stars.
with planets.
with words.
questions
statements
stubbornness
art music letters ghosts emotions scars–

what it is like to be in one's own deathbed
i will never know
until the ghosts tell me.
i can never be good at what they want me to
so i will be just another blurry face

i am the mad hatter on the closing brink of insanity

all the things you said
that night at 2 am
the pain I left you with
shattering regret that follows me like my shadow
it is scratched into the walls of my mind
how horrible I am
for finding myself
in someone else.
how I let myself do this
to someone I lived for
for someone who's absence
once ceased my desire to wake
to eat
to live
I have told myself many times
that my crime is not punishable by death-
that lie is the only reason I can sleep at night.
it is the only way I can stand to be alone with myself.
it was all the fear that I would never really have you
that finally drove you away