she gets a lover
proclaims her love
screams it at the top of her lungs
glee flooding her eyes
i'm happy for her

but why is it
that as she talks about her lover
i glance over at him
and watch as he smiles a
sad synthetic
smile

am i the only one
who can see his tears
threatening to spill

it's her birthday
i give her my gift and he does the same

but he steps forward with a certain
hesitance
a slight colour to his cheeks
he lets go a second too late
and she flashes a grin
he smiles too

but whilst red spread to the back of his neck
and the tips of his ears
and whilst he heard his heart

stop

she felt nothing but warmth blooming in her chest
for
a
friend

and i watched
while the spring breeze swayed the curtains
and a weak smile played on his lips
her eyes were closed
dark lashes fluttering gently
light snores escaping her mouth

he held her hand in his
and i couldn't help but to wonder
how could a love be so pure?

once you know something it's hard not to notice it
how his gaze seems to linger
how he hugs her as if he never wants to let go
how he stares just a little too long

how behind his smile
and in his eyes
for a fleeting moment
hopelessness
is all
you
see

I loved you faithfully for years but you love another,
And told me to stop my feelings because it's a bother.
We were friends yet you chose someone else - - - her,
And said that she's the one,  the road to your forever!


Sometimes you held and kissed her gently in front of me,
I was standing there fighting hard to control my jealousy!
My eyes might flicker, my smile falter and my voice break,
Actions I could hide by sighing but feelings I never fake.


I wanted to shout to you "Please look at me and love ME!"
Or do something to set my emotions, my love for you free.
I wanted to run and passionately rain kisses all over you,
But as always white turned black and red changed to blue.



I am still here standing and that my heart isn't really aching,
Looking at you, I just only hear it  quietly and rapidly breaking.
You never knew that tears fall every night from thinking of you,
For despite all the pains you unknowingly caused, I still love you.

Our relationship was like the part in a movie when two people run towards each other and the main character looks so unbelievably happy and they close their eyes and just as they are about to embrace the other veers right and jumps into the arms of another.

you have me,
but i'm not sure
if i have you, though.

i paused.
it's thirteen minutes past twelve in the morning and i was on top of you. your steady breaths and the ticking of the clock was all i can hear. a sweat trickled down my bare chest as you stare longingly. the moans and the word 'faster' didn't fill the room anymore.

"what's wrong?" you asked.

every night is a bittersweet reality, something that i would think of as a chimera full of used underwear.  every night is a catharsis; i knew, the way 'babe' escaped from your lips arousingly when i go further tells me so. every night our souls would crash briefly, but every tomorrow i see myself on the mirror and the word 'temporary' is etched on my face. you ****** your way into my heart, that's what's wrong and i didn't even know it. i was too caught up with the thought of your tongue exploring my restless body.

you paused, placed me on your side, and stood up.

tonight, you smoked away the last stick of hope i had on the side of my bed; where you reside after everytime we did it. tonight, you're moving out.

you'll always have me, but i'll never have you, though.

at the back of fresh, faded or even others' receipts
in front your pack of cigs and your floral, feminine taste on place mats,
were snippets of your poetry.

(none were about me, obviously)

Sent you a letter
Saying just how I feel
Never knew anything more real

I've been telling you more
I've been telling you less
I've been getting depressed
Tears are useless

Nobody knows
Nobody understands
Nobody cares
Not even you
Nobody knows
Nobody understands
Nobody cares
Except Johnny Jack James