Tomorrow I’ll start my diet again.
I say disgustedly to a friend.
No point today, I already wobbled.
The chocolates were asking to be gobbled.
What’s one more day of aching knees?
Hey hon, could you pass the cheese?
Why do they make these clothes so small?
No room to move in this dressing stall!
I’m too tired now to exercise - plus
It worsens the chaffing of my thighs.
Yes, please! To extra whipping cream.
We can add panels and take out the seams.
I deserve a splurge and to treat myself!!
One more nibble for my mental health?
Is it just me, or does my belly look round?
Stripes should face up not lying down .
These jeans must have shrunk in the dryer?
Tilt the camera angel down. Hold it higher!
Airplane seats keep getting smaller.
Why wasn’t I born just a little bit  taller?
Hey babe, would you grab  me a beer?
I’ll start my diet again in the New Year.
There won’t be any excuses then.

Closed eyes,
embracing you in the shadows,

The clock's chime igniting a flame
within me – resolutions!

No resolve in that fleeting moment
kissing into the new year; our midnight
kiss.

I'm like a penny,

just a small worthless penny.

you wouldn't pick up a ***** penny off the street-

so why would you help me up off my feet?

and just like a penny-

you'll say "oh, keep it, it's just a penny,"

and you'll forget about it, you probably won't need it,

because a penny lost means nothing to you...

and just like a penny, so I must mean nothing to you.


but even the gathered pennies could amount to something.

but me?
i'm just one penny
and i can't amount to much.


I'm just one penny,

and when you see me as that little penny

and you say "oh get over it, it's not a big deal".


then you play heads or tails and life and death are at stake

and I am that penny
who is tails up and buried six feet under ground;
forgotten.
overlooked.
ignored.
worthless.

I went home today, straight after work
Because your curtains were closed
And although I didn't struggle with the quirk
Of thinking "But maybe..." (not really), hosed
Down with sobriety, I wondered at the darkness,
The loneliness, the determination (nose to grindstone,
Nose to grindstone), and with less than sharpness
I went home, nearly straight after work, and left you alone
And I left memories of another girl somewhere -
Possibly in your curtains - but you wouldn't care
To know that I no longer think, "I couldn't look him in the face" -
I now ask if I will be able to look at myself, in no one's place.

The end of last year, and the beginning of this
Spell something like suspense, a familiar kiss
Upon both my frostbitten cheeks, Hello.
These are chaste waves now, at your window:
Barren is the land of my hand, I write nothing,
And I hope for nothing, still carrying
A foreign slogan by my heart for one
I dedicated my deeds to, who's gone
With my writing, since my girlhood arrived
And said she was here to stay, contrived
To do so until we thaw, until limbo
Passes over, until someone says, Hello,
And I answer. Because I don't want anything
Except, maybe, just not to want anything.

Good morning    body
I called you in for a meeting
    because
you can’t sleep                         again
and I just wanted to tell you
        you don’t already seem to know
and no one can read your writing
you already know what you’re wearing tomorrow and you’ll pay the gallery in the morning

and    it's all fine
and you’re very much allowed to yawn     sigh    or take a
deep breath    

I know January keeps trying to go on
and on and on and on
like you’re not already over it
a few weeks ahead of yourself
like we’re not all stuck in Deja-vu
despite the fact that it’s fun to type out
soothing repetition
like a hot tea lavender oil or the last smile on the page
like a consoling yoga chant

it’s time you heard this
where are the words you’re hiding?
when you sit down and say you can’t do this again
I will tell you     I think this might be growing
it was you under the pile of clothes the whole time
holding the remote
murmuring prophetically in the corner
it was you    you see
you already said
you’re everything you know
you’re everything you need

Good morning    body
I called you in to talk to me
for us to meet each other

letters to yourself are the new shopping list

or at least
they’re calming to write when you can’t sleep.

You more or less know

what kind of day it will be --


Now you colour it.

another
new year
yet i carry all the same
wounds and bruises