In the kitchen
of the top floor flat
I’m ignoring the dread
and preparing a sandwich

There’s garlic mayonnaise spread thick
from each seeded crust
tessellated lettuce
buttoned jalepenos.
It’s the ‘ham’ that confuses people-
you can’t tell that it’s quorn from within.

I cut it into squares,
my triangles were never neat enough.
Tomorrow as I crunch and bloat
I’ll be thinking of how to break the news
word the resignation
and sign it cursive sarcasm.

From now on,
no confused and
overbearing voice
will ask me-
‘I thought you were vegetarian?’

I kept walking for forty years;
I had my joys and my tears.

I was a daughter, mother and wife;
I was told that this is life.

I have no regrets.
I have met my targets set.

Then why this question sounds New?
When she asked me “Who are you”?

I fumbled; I stumbled.
But the question is still unanswered.

I am sad, I am nervous;
I was walking with No Purpose.

Maybe it's ok to let it go;
No one else will ever know.

Or, maybe it’s time to walk again;
To finally find “Who I Am”.

i once took shame in this struggle.
closed blinds,
empty body
'nobody needs to know'

believing myself to be a burden, i buried myself.

i spent years decomposing,
cold and unrecognizable.
a fossil of my former self.

but now i hold the shovel
and free myself from this earthen cage.
i am beginning to understand that there is beauty in asking for help,
and i have planted the seeds of self love.
watch as they grow roots and blossom

-here's to a fresh start

do you ever think about how easy it would be
to pack a bag with the moon still bright in the sky and
begin to drive?

it’s scary how much of life is taken for granted before you begin to realize how precious it is, how fast it goes. by the time i even grasped that i needed to figure out what i wanted to do with my life i was bring tossed onto the conveyor belt straight out of high school.

my identity was still unknown and here i was now, deciding the rest of it.

there’s a loneliness in freedom,
a creeping feeling of sadness that hides
in the corners of solitude and quiet.
It envelopes the corners of the mind

left undistracted, ideas wander
doubt sets in your head, anxiety in your gut

is this not what you asked for?
for ties to be cut?
did you not suspect the hurt and pain it might bring up?

and yet, like a stretch after a long nap,
relief from the strains that once held you

forward, alone
but maybe it’ll be okay.

Sometimes we
outgrow people
who don't
water us anymore

I've been with you for more than 10 years
From day one I was just average
I didn't even want to grow
Living one day at a time

But life got really, really hard
I found myself being at a crossroad
To retract a step would mean I lost
But the front was dark and lightless

I decided to move forward still
Really because of my tiny one
And that just changed the course of my life
I was relentless and driven to soar

Years go by with many achievements
Some were so immensely proud I am forever grateful
But that path was filled with tears and breakdowns
Some were seen, most were hidden

I just moved forward without hesitation
But somehow I just can't, just can't anymore
I don't have that glow, not anymore
Really didn't enjoy it, just no more

Hence I decided to give a go
With all my might and prayers to God
May this new path be better
But really there's never a guarantee

I leave you with a very heavy heart
Day in and day out I just persevere
Hope it will go on, filled with success and more
Because really, that is my ultimate goal

It's never really a goodbye
More to see you soon
Never really apart
Just a tiny bit distanced

Thank you
For all and all and just all
For giving me the room to grow
Thank you

Come forth
little one
and be guided
by the warmth
of your own
light