An older lady came to the pharmacy
To pick up her oxycodone twenties,
Her copay wasn't much money,
Double counted a hundred twenty
As close to me as you stand,
I explained her doctor prescribed Narcan.
In case of overdose, one spray up the nose
Can save yourself or someone else.
She twisted her face to me real funny,
And said "What do you take me for a druggie?"
She took the vial, left the spray
As I waved with a have a nice day.

She felt accused by me, in a huff,
Threw the pills up in her cabinet.
As fate would have it, her granddaughter
Came over and spotted the bottle with red cap.
Imagining the high if she could get that,
Imagining the euphoria as she stole that.
Sneaking off into the bathroom
Downing tap, she consumed a few.

Something wasn't right, her breath felt light,
Disoriented trying to read the label,
Hands shaking, feeling her body dive,
She saw the number twenty, thinking they were fives.
Unresponsive, her grandmother runs in
With the sound of a heavy crash,
She waits for paramedics who arrive at last.
Only to announce, nothing to be saved
Now she digs a grave for pride over a nasal spray.

It started out with a small white pill
Into the mouth and down the throat
Who knew something so little could ****
The body dissipates into nostalgic rhythm

Down the throat into the mind
Fading into a darkness that can't be stopped
We dance with colors that make us blind
The brain sleeps while the body twitches

The empty orange bottle falls down
Tears follow as she sweats from the fear
She weeps in her pink and white gown
The stomach begins to turn and ache

The aches cause scratches on her skin
A pain only a fix will get rid of
Nothing can stop it, not even men
Her blood boils for her dealers rescue

Why does hydrocodone close your eyes?
Mama wake up.
The tabourine man knows you cannot die
All that was left was a body, and no soul.

I got sober over a year ago.
What god blessed me with is morals, honesty and a conscious.
When I was out, I hurt people and I enjoyed it.
It was something, I just had to do so you knew how big my rep was.
I was a caged animal and I wasn't even in cell anymore in my head at least.
Any challenge I met with violence.
I prayed most nights not to wake up.
I happened to have  a reminder this evening.
Tonight I picked up some food and sat at the bar.
Instead of salivating over sharp knives, semi automatics, a broken thumb and what I would do to certain fox news anchors.

First, I saw my old friend jack.
Before we reminisced I told him that, I'm allowed back in my mothers house.
And am home for the holidays especially thanksgiving.
I can hold a job instead of amassing monstrous amounts of credit card debt and fraudulent charges.
And my family tells me they love me.
Well he told me remember the good times, like trying to get hook up with someones girlfriend at a party.
while he was passed out.
 Saying anything that was needed to close the deal.
It just happened that night.
I was bamboozled
Also  I had the privilege of running into some *****-***** who had the gull to tell me.
You have the haircut of a ****.
Her words exactly.
So instead of keying some kind four letter feminine word into her car.
I fell down into the street divider and wouldn't get up till some acquaintances went out there and asked me if  I was alright.
"That of course, was all I most likely needed growing up" said so many counselors who loved to point out the fact that, well Michael you grew up in a broken home with a father who took his life right around the corner from you when you were just ten years old. The prime growing years of any young lad.

Then I spoke to an old college friend after that a noble of sorts C. Royal.
We spoke of past-times of unprotected *** with a so called girlfriends.
All of these women of course who I had cheated on and possibly fathered many children.
Now sober I'm following leads to see if they exist and planning to set up college funds.
If the maternal parent doesn't want me int there life.
Then later in life being the genius that I was cashing in so may bonds to celebrate my future sober life I began spending over 1500 at the tables.
OF course when I was banded from narcotics and ****** at the hotel room.
Whats the point of saving over 1200 in winnings.
Like any good addict I let it ride on black.

I just kept on running into old friends.
It was a hell of a night.
I then saw a french man of sorts and spoke to him last Mr. Marnier.
I told him for now at least  I don't regurgitate Thanksgiving dinners in front of friends families.
And my friends speak to me now.
After that I picked up the food and said goodbye.

I'm ****** up.
I'm drunk right now.
Isn't it hilarious?
The last time I was like this was two months ago.
Two months ago when I lost my "best" ******* friend.
Make it stop.
Save me from this stupid thing called love.
I'm incapable of true love.
Is it because of him, her, you, me?
I ask like it matters.
I ask like it ever mattered.
Ha, good one...
******* HOLD ME.
Don't touch me.
Come back to me.
Never leave.
She's gone.
It's my fault too.
Who cares though?
I don't because, well, I'm a ******* mess.
I feel nothing.
Nothing at all.
I don't exist.
I'm not dead.
I'm just nothingness.
I'm nothingness wishing for a drip.
An IV drip.
Drip from the Molly.
The drip from the X.
Numbness from the narcotics.
Kiss me.
Leave me.
I'll rock your world.
Then ask you to go.
I'm saving you.
I promise.