I’ve come to understand that healing from a breakup is not merely about moving on, but about transforming loss into an opportunity for self-growth. The hardest lesson was the necessity of letting go completely; closing every door to the past, not to escape, but to confront the emptiness it had left behind. In mourning the end of the relationship, I also had to mourn the version of myself I had lost along the way; and accepting that the future we had planned would never come to pass. This loss was not just of what was, but of what could have been. Yet, through time and the hard work of healing, I’ve found peace with this reality. Letting go of what was never meant to be has created space for new possibilities.

Setting new boundaries became essential. I learned that protecting my heart and mind required a lot of discipline, not as a defense, but as a way to reclaim my energy and direct it inward. In doing so, I realized that self-care isn’t indulgence; it is the deliberate act of rebuilding my sense of worth.

One of the most important lessons I learned was accountability. I had to take responsibility for my choices, both in the relationship and in my healing. While forgiving myself for past mistakes was essential, even more crucial was holding myself to a higher standard moving forward. I began to clearly distinguish between love and attachment, between desire and need. Through this process, my perception of my ex shifted significantly, leaving me to question much about our past. It has been liberating to finally break free from the heartbreak that once consumed me.

As I worked to rebuild my self-esteem, I reawakened parts of me that had been silenced, rediscovering who I was before and who I could potentially become. Heartbreak, rather than something to avoid, became a refining force, shaping me into a stronger and more resilient version of myself.

As I rebuild my life and shape the future I now desire, I remain optimistic. I trust that love will find me again, and I will never give up on that journey. The pain has been my teacher, guiding me toward a deeper understanding of love, and preparing me for what lies ahead.

—

From our end, I found my start,
Fixing the pieces of my broken heart.
Heartbreak taught me to look within,
To face the pain beneath my skin.

In the torment, I learned to see,
That love was never about you and me.
What once was broken is now whole,
In losing you, I’ve regained my soul.

No longer bound to what is gone,
I rise, renewed, and carry on.
The heart that ached has learned to mend;
In its healing, I find my strength once again.

— Sincerely, Boris

I have gone through life,
But It had no purpose,
A meaningless stride,
Nothing beneath surface,

I have had no goal,
No dreams, no ambition,
Life settled in stone,
A fool on an audition,

In that mindless state,
I have lived for years,
I altered my fate,
Got rid of my fears,

I'm glad I kept going,
Glad I haven't stopped,
This tree keeps on growing,
This soul never dropped,

I wanted to stop,
My meaningless stride,
I wanted to stop,
This life with no pride,

There was an option,
But I never took it,
Life's filled with emotion,
But I do not look it,

I never thought of killing myself,
That was a way I never entailed,
I never thought to hang on a shelf,
I never made a plan so detailed,

I never thought to jump from a height,
I never thought to fall to my death,
To fall from a place where one could take flight,
I never thought to take my last breath,

There was no point of going that way,
That's why I chose to live one more day,
A day in my life, meaningless at times,
A day in my life, a place full of lies,

Now here I stand,
No more beneath surface,
Please give me a hand,
I have found my purpose,

For I found my cure,
For it is to teach,
For it's  to make pure,
What others can't reach.

Yesterday
The streets were wider
Now they're narrow
I would go
To the place of mystery
Is gone

Truths revealed
The wide-eyed wonder
Of a child has seen
Into the eyes
Of that distant dream
I had dreamt
The visions
Of a peaceful life

I live
The remnants
Of that child's
Dreams come true

Take my hand
And take my feet
On the paths
That no one
Has tread before
No one knows the pain
That dreamer's feel

I cross these rivers
Deep and wide
I search through
Valleys deep and wide
The other side starts
Where each new day begins

Now today
I will walk the streets
Of yesterday have passed
Into a new beginning
Is in what I see

From the bridges
On the rivers
That flow from yesterday
It's clear
That I am dreaming
My reality

Dreams are real
Make them happen
As a child
Plays the games
That are reality
At any age.

Finally doing laundry,
It’s been two months.
As I sit and I fold,
Careful not to leave wrinkles,
I can’t help but think,
How many more times will I have to pick up the pieces?

As I drive in my car,
Careful to go the speed limit,
The wind caressing my face and arm
As it blows through my windows,
I feel the melancholy sink in.
How much longer will I ache for what has been?

It’s sunny and the warmth radiates downward,
Embracing my body as if to say “Welcome back”.
I can finally feel it again,
My skin is a part of me,
Something I can feel.
How many more times will I lose this feeling?

I’ve spent weeks in a chemical haze,
But not one of my doing.
My brain had once again said “Too much”
And shuddered to a halt,
Spinning out on its way to a restless place.
How much longer will I suffer this fate?

Everything is different,
But it all feels the same.
I’m coming back now from a tiresome journey.
A blast from the past,
I am still exactly who I was four years ago.
How many more times will I lose my sanity?

As I pick up the pieces,
I can’t help but wonder,
How long will I exist in this cyclical race?
When they gave me the pills,
They gave me a life sentence.
How much longer will I last in this unstable state?

Unfortunately, I know.
This is a life sentence.  
I will always be at the mercy of these highs and those lows.
There will be reprieves from time to time,
But it will always crumble once again. So I ask myself…
How many more times can I pick up the pieces?

A heavy weight lay upon my chest.
But then I gave a sigh. Of both, pain and of relief.
The pain of coming to an ending.
The relief of it all being over.

In the pain, I felt grief.
Of what was.
And of what could have been.

In the relief, I felt comfort.
Of letting go of expectations.
And the breaking of a long-held silence.

With that sigh, the weight was released.
In its place, peace took over.

The root of my pain,
Every stretch of communication,
Breaking my own heart ten times over,
Drowning in misinformation.

Which story to believe,
He said this, she said that,
Some dice have many faces,
Who wears the true hat?

A storyteller spins many stories,
Embellishes to add flare,
Who is telling this story?
Should the reader be aware?

We come back cause its easy,
I know this to be true,
Alas, the road less taken calls me,
This chapter ends with you.

Are you familiar with that feeling?
The one you get when you finish a good book,
Or when your favourite TV series ends?
Or even, when one chapter of your life closes,
And you have to step through the threshold of a new page?

Well that threshold, for me
Has always been a great towering wall.
I'd always have the means to climb,
But never will I want to or feel like I should.
It seems that I'm needlessly clutching at straws,
While the guns of change point to my temples, drawn.

Somehow, I eventually had to scale through the fears,
And just nick a few pieces from every threshold I pass.
You know, when days are looking pretty cloudy ahead,
I'll just reach in my pocket and look at them
To see how much has moved, and smile.

the pain must be
becoming more and more
unbearable each day,
and we have to continue
walking away from each other
when all we ever wanted
was to run
towards each other's arms.
so how about
we do this, my love?

how about we go on
with our day,
pretend we're going
to see each other
the very next day,
and face things
with excitement today?
how about we go on
with our breakfast, lunch,
dinner, and snacks in between,
and pretend we're going
to dine together tomorrow?
how about we sleep tonight
without crying our eyes out
to the memories of us
and pretend that tomorrow,
when the sun rises from the east,
we'll wake up
to see ourselves
next to each other?
how about we repeat
being hopeful every day,
looking forward
for the tomorrow
that holds you and I
in one page,
until we can
no longer remember
what we are ridiculously
holding onto
and we're just truly happy
with our lives
without each other?