To my mom
  
It's your guiding light
brighten me up into the dark sky
even when I'm doubtful
you always push me up.

It's your comforting touch
with care takes me home
while laying on your lap
it's restful as a soft pillow.

It's your pleasant voice and
the beautiful smile makes me
confident and motivate
to overcome any obstacle.

It's you who stays with me
loyally and trustfully in
every good and bad
situations of life.

I'm proud to be your daughter,
Thank you, mom, for loving every day like me.

I wait alone
wrapped in paper
shivering amidst cold
the door pressed hard
against my chest

this time a year ago
I met a similar fate
the verdict returned
       cancer
a word my mind
has deconstructed
reconstructed
discarded
as my past

tears erupt behind
my eyes
how can I afford
to fight again
at what cost
and during
a pandemic

the door **** twists
as she emerges
eyes averted
my throat scored
in pain
"It's benign,
come back
6 months from now"

unable to move
I peer through haze
minutes tease silence
then with
trembling fingers
I dial his number
Aiden answers
    "Mom, you okay?"
nodding tearfully
with newfound certainty
I finally whisper, "Yes!"

you said you could see into my mind
as you stared into my deadened eyes
you said I would die alone and cold
but now I can see these were all lies

you chided the child I truly was
molded me into your little prize
broke me until I hid from the world
but now I do know these were all lies

you split me from my sister as you
put her down as though she were a vice
made me base my self worth on her pain
but now I can feel these were all lies

you told me my body was your own
as you grabbed my *** amidst my cries
that I was crazy for saying stop
but now I am sure these were all lies

you said you were the most honest one
within your words no mistruth could hide
your recall of my life was perfect
even then I thought these were all lies

In a small town with big dreams
A girl named Chicago
Plays sim city
She builds the skylines
She will one day design
But until then her mom
says video games are just a waste of time

When I was younger I told my mother
"Yo quiero ser como tu cuando crezca"
She kneeled down and said
"No"

I remembeer when I was younger
I looked up to my mother and I dreamed,
of the day I would grow up and be just like her.
She would always say "No"

Hasta que un día, me canse y le grite
"Cuando crezca voy a ser igualita a ti!"
She kneeled down and said
"Tu vas a ser mucho mejor que yo!"

I remember the first time I talked to my mom in english
"A mi me hablas en español!"

The first time I asked if I could go to a sleepover,
"Que no tienes casa o que?"

The first time I asked her permission to go on a fieldtrip
"Entonces para que te mando a la escuela?"

And the first time,
I told her I wanted to go to college,
"Pues a ver como le hacemos pero esta bien"

I remember her eyes, slightly dissapointed
Not at me, but at herself.
She wanted to give her daughter, only the best!

She wanted me to have the chances she never got

She wanted me to be better than her.

I don't remember:
A day that she didn't work
A day she didn't cook
A day she didn't say
"Echale ganas mija"

I do remember:
When she dropped me off at college,
She smiled and said,
"Eres como yo!"

"Eres como yo!"
Trabajadora,
Luchona,
No te rindes,
Humilde,
Sensilla,
Generosa,
Amorosa,
y Valiosa! "

I may never find the words
strong enough to explain
how you have made me feel
by pushing me away
and leaving me to drown
in this pool of loneliness and pain.

....I love you too, Mom....

Momma
This ones for you
I remember you when you were young, late twenties
Blonde hair
Reckless but loving
I thought of you
At least
I’ve written about you so much
But mostly the bad
I hope you don’t mind
But this is about how wonderful my life could've been when you were in my world
You can tell everybody
So maybe they’ll stop talking so badly
Some of it you deserve
But I’ll always love you
And I’ll always remember the good momma
You could’ve been

When you died, I was devastated and didn't know what to do.
If you hadn't died, today you would've turned seventy-two.
The love that I felt for you was special and it knew no bounds.
My heart was broken when you were lowered in the ground.
If you could hear the words I'm saying, I'd want you to hear me say "I love you".
When you died, my days were filled with unhappiness because I was so blue.
I grew inside of your womb until I was born in August of 1971.
You were spectacular and it was a privilege to be your son.
I suffered when you died and it's something I wish others wouldn't have to go through.
Happy birthday Mom, if you hadn't died, today you would've turned seventy-two.

You want nothing more
Than to be a good mom
To see me succeed
To see me happy
To have me love you

But you’re not
We’re so far past that now
You can’t make up for your mistakes
I can’t thank you for an existence I don’t want

I love you
But you’re not a good mom
You’re just my mother