Genuinely feeling hope for something good, and being lead by false hope to believe a lie as truth, are two different beasts

I don't hate myself for what I felt, or thought, but instead what I was lead to think was okay to believe

I was lied to, again; my words beckoned something I thought was genuine, and deceit was all that met me, just like every time before it

I'm sick of being here, of thinking anything gets better, because it's true that the those who spend their fortune at keeping an authentic heart for others will inevitably end up alone, indebted to those who only care of themselves

I give myself away too often, but only for what I objectively observe as being meaningful, but I'm afraid that closing off my mind will bring me to the dark place again, and I never want to go back there

I have no control of what someone believes or feels, nor do I know what that may be, all the same

I just take what I am given, if it seems and feels good; if it echoes compassion and sincerity, because that's exactly what I lack most

I hate being a slave to this paradox, but my freedom may only come with absolute truth

I have no more faith for that - I still hope; potentiality rings, but I know that's one sided on my end

A wish is a wish..

Your words are as temporary to me as temporary tattoos
You pick and chose what you wanna lose
That’s why I have to turn you loose
My grandma turns to me to tell me there’s always more fish in the sea
I guess I will always be at loss and not learn
Well I went fishing in the sea and something grabbed my worm
I reeled it in to see and realized the only bait around was me
Never wait around for the ones’ who let you down
It’ll leave you with a frown bringing you down down to the deep bottom of the sea
Now I’m the predator not the prey
Be careful now cause as you see you are the preyed on by the predators not me

You told me later
you knew it was over
when I stopped
calling to say goodnight.

On the last day,
you used
every desperate attempt
to frighten me
into staying.

Outside is a cold world,
you would tell me.
but here, you would keep me
safe.

I would have believed you
If not for the chills
shaking my bones awake
reminding me
of the window I
still kept propped open,
prompting escape.

I know someday
I will  have to
answer to my heart
for my mind’s refusal
to trust another,
but not today.

You linger in my mind. I long for your touch, eyes on me, the feeling of strong hands on my body just once more. I crave the very being of your soul. Everything is telling us to stay apart but if I plug my ears, the only thing I hear is the blood rushing to my beating heart.

t.h.