Lots in mind
Nothing said
I wish to speak
I hide Instead

What does one do
When they feel this blue
Can’t Continue
Not without you

Goodbye, you said
As do I
Hope you sleep well
You don’t reply

I need a computer, I can not type
Backspace to eliminate mistakes I make
To correct a defect I might have made
So I can drop more lines, more Good or Bad Vibes

I need a pencil, I can not write
erasers to remove bloopers I missed at first sight
To fix any disasters after my hand wrote backward
So I can forget before, and think of what comes after.

My skin that bled for days
And I thought I might drown in such blood
Barley breathing
He came to heal my wounds
My new skin
Covering my lashes and panic
To bring new light.
To bring new hope.
But yesterday I fell
And I scraped my hands and cracked my head open
I sat there and watched the blood run down my body
I watched the blood drip from my mascara painted eyelashes
And my tears made a ****** mess
I tasted like cheap copper
Little by little I faded away
Because my new skin was ruined
And I couldn't see it anymore
My new skin had vanished
All his light
All my hope
He vanished from me and I was forever more just a blood stain on the street

Have you ever made a mistake and immediately regretted it?
Like all the contents of your stomach start a rampage of protest.
Where words taste like vile and leave the same impact?

Like your not afraid of the response but that moment
It's painful
Even when you're the one holding the knife

I don't talk a lot, I avoid it like the plague
It hurts my senses- I feel the need to over explain
Compensate for empty space

But I spill out nothing good, my lungs are tar
It drags back any word not harsh enough to break free
Like when you lashed out at your parents as a child

The same feeling of regret but also anger like no one understood
A teenage phase that returns in between breaths
And now you've gutted yourself in front of someone you care for

Because no one is pretty on the inside
I showed that I'm nothing more that maggot filled meat
That I am rotten to the core

A letter fabled,
from me to you.
A letter that says all,
distortion of the truth.

I wrote that I didn't like you,
I wrote that I never did.
I wrote what was fiction,
fiction nobody reads.

Time is not forgiving,
for the chances I did not take,
the truth I never said,
and the feelings I tried to evade.

I want to shout the truth,
I want to cry out to you.
I want to tell you I loved you,
I want to tell you I still do.

I forgot how it felt.
The aching of a chest as I lean over my patio wall.
Having an affinity with the dust in my throat
That burns along side of my eyes
And you dont know,
But it was worse when you left.

Five.
My dark blue comforter.
My closet door.
The light switch.
The cigarbox on my night stand.
The ***** laundry in my hamper.

I forgot how it felt.
To not breathe when trying to catch as much of the stale air in my bedroom as I could.
Residing there were residual hearts in residual pieces.

Four.
My sheets
My bed frame
The rough carpeting
My cat who disappeared because of the noise.

I forgot how it felt to feel like youre dying.
When anxiety turns into losing your ******* ****.
Because you lost it and you're alone.

Three.
The hum of a ceiling fan that barely works
Scratching of a pen on paper
My breathing and soft whispers that dont matter.

I forgot how it felt.
To feel useless and filled with an intense self loathing
Because I saw your eyes lined with red and watched you walk away - my voice not carrying to call you back.

Two.
My (your) pillow.
My comforter.

I forgot how it felt
To close the door and fall to the floor because I didnt work anymore.
And to know, buried deep under this weeping,
That you wont forgive me.

One.
Salt.

I forgot how it felt.
To feel like I'm dying.

Its sitting here,
Right in my soul.
It was silent before and let my heart run wild
And now, oh beauty at rest,
Wake for yet again you have made a terrible mistake.
Weep for your taker and live for thy giver,
For you were no one's to have.
And yet youve promised the moon to a lover
Unto which you can only offer the stars.

Just give me a minute,
I need to rewind...
Go back to where our paths intertwined
and hit skip.
It was a mistake
only caused us both pain
Give me a minute,
to reply...
I'm looking for a easy way to say goodbye