Je pense, soulement.
Je me souviens les jours de toi.
Pour quoi?
Je ne sais pas.
Je t'adore. Je sais que tu sais ça mais je dis-le anyhow.

I miss you mommy

I think about you a lot
About who you were
And what you were
To me

How kind and self-sacrificing you were
How hardworking
How strong
How beautiful and loving and warm and bright

Oh, how I miss you!

But the more I think about you
The more I realize
Just how fragile
You truly were

How your kindness
And self-sacrificing nature
Was the result of abusive parents
Who constantly molested your body and mind,
Spewing lies of you
Being meaningless and unlovable
As they rubbed their sins and selves upon you

Oh, how you wanted to be loved and needed!

How you used hardwork
To gain the fraudulent love and care
Of rotten people,
Who used you to fill their pockets
And laze around on the back of your efforts.

Oh, how they hurt you!

How your strength
Was throwing up walls
To keep them out,
So they could never penetrate
Deep enough into your heart
To ever hurt you again.

Oh, how you feared they would!

And how your
Beauty,
Love,
Warmth and
Brightness
Was who you truly were
And who you promised yourself to be.

For me
My brother
And my dad

For friends and strangers
My cousins, aunts and uncles
And my horrible grandparents

For all of us
Because it made you feel
Loved and needed

And you were
You were so very
Loved and needed

I hope you knew that you were

I miss you mommy

the moment you touch that
xylophone
i feel your feelings become
xerox of mine

xoxo love

when you leave home, home leaves you

little did i know that meant
                      
                                                         forgetting what his room smelled like
j.c.

tell me how
tell me now
tell me why
tell me not to cry
tell me when
tell me to count one to ten
tell me love
tell me when to say yes
do i say or do i tell
i think i fell

xoxo

right time
right place
right person
right moment
right feeling
right moves
right touch
right hug
right kiss
is this right
am i right
to feel this way
coz you said hey
you made my day
everyday


xo

your hoodie hangs in my closet quietly

it mocks me over and over again reminding me that you're not here

i can barely even touch it, let alone look at it

i want to feel your comforting embrace  wrapped around my frail and broken shell of a body

but you left me here; a shipwreck left to rot

i can't bear to even feel the ghost of your embrace

if I wrap that hoodie around my shipwrecked frame, I will start crying

and by that I mean my tears will create a storm so devastating it ends the world

yet you never come back

if you loved me, why'd you leave me?

i'm becoming more reckless as the days go on
jumping off buildings and jumping in front of cars
not to die but to almost die
maybe then you'd come back home
maybe then you'd see just how much pain you caused me
but even if you did come home, at this point I'm not sure I would be able to forgive you anymore