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always anxious Mar 2015
you know one of those days
where everything you do seems to be wrong.
where people bug you.
even more than usual.
one of those days
where your favorite candy, is right next to you
but you don't even feel like taking one bite
where you want to do everything
but don't even have the courage to write a good poem?
and you just end up writing something like this.. i hate those days.
Suicidal Mar 2015
Mother birds throw up there food to feed their young, who am i trying to feed when I empty myself?
my demons
always anxious Mar 2015
I'm sorry
That whatever i do, i can't seem to get it right
And i'm sorry
That i got this depressed all of a sudden
And i am truly deeply sorry if i hurt you
And don't say i didn't cause i saw the tear in your eye
And don't say you miss me either.
Cause if you really do, wich is highly unlikely, it will pass.
And don't go to my grave, telling me you love me.
Cause that's what i needed to hear when i was alive.
ern kingham Feb 2015
When most people think addiction,
They think cigarettes and nicotine,
They think Alcoholics Anonymous and pain killers gone wrong,
They think gambling, ***, and ****.
They think addiction and they think of use versus abuse
After all the dictionary definition of addiction is:
"a strong and harmful need to regularly have or do something"

Something

Maybe that's why it's so hard for people to see that my lack of use is just as much abuse as the overuse of something.

They don't know that it is just as addicting to keep refusing food, as it is to keep drinking alcohol.

They don't know that keeping too small clothes in the back of the closet,
Hoping that one day your body will mold into them again,
Is just as dangerous as meshing oneself into someone else just for the night, but someone else the next.

They don't understand that counting the calories is just as consuming as counting the grams.

So don't tell me that my eating disorder is not as addicting as drugs, because cravings to be thin can be just as strong as someone's cravings to be high.

The feeling of an empty stomach, can be just as great as the feeling others get while watching ****.

Don't say that my eating disorder is just for attention, because just like addiction it could very well **** me.
S Feb 2015
Left, right
Give everyone a fright
Up, down
Never see your wedding gown
Left, right
Blame it on a bite
Up, down
Same as a drown
Left, right
Could be obvious or slight
Up, down
Became the talk of the town
Left, right
Are those sleeves too tight?
Up, down
Irrefutable proof of your final breakdown
Mo Feb 2015
Mia is best friends with Ana, and Ana is best friends with Sue,
one day Sue saw me and said I love you.
Ana said I'll love you 10 pounds lighter, Mia said plus 5 pounds less.
Sue said I'll gladly take off  2 pounds of unwanted stress.
Ana told me I was fat, other people did too,
So I  believed Ana was so very true.
Ana told Mia to help get rid of all my  stress.
So then tomorrow I can fit into my brand new dress,
I asked how many pounds until you will love me.
Ana said just 5 pounds lighter, and  Mia said just 3 pounds less,
and Sue said I'll gladley take away all the unwanted stress.
So I pulled out my blades to talk to Sue,
she said, " dont forget I was the only one who truly loved you."
Graced Lightning Feb 2015
Text her. Send her messages that she won't know how to respond to. she'll read them and put her phone down. Stare at the read receipt for hours until you realize she's not picking the phone back up, she doesn't have anything to say to you.

Eat lots of chocolate. It has serotonin in it, the happy chemical. When you cuddle with her, your brain releases oxytocin. As long as you eat enough chocolate (and throw it up) you won't miss the oxytocin one bit.

Bleed. When she tells you that she cuts herself, cut deeper. This is guerrilla warfare now, and for every shot fired you must fire back.

Read your messages. Laugh at the nicknames she used. "Princess". "Baby". "Darlin". You were never her princess, never her baby. She was the child and you were merely her plaything.

Make art. Write dumb poetry about falling in and out of love, take photographs of your ****** thighs, paint a picture using only shades of red. Let her figure out what all these things mean.

Drink. Green tea, *****, over-priced lattes. Stay up all night crying. Wear stilettos. Sit in art museums all alone and wonder if being a starving artist is as much fun as it sounds. Take long showers and harmonize with your favorite songs through your tears. Use heavier, blacker eyeliner. Spend time on yourself. Adopt a cat. But most of all, remember this:

You can only love one person. Choose yourself
Graced Lightning Feb 2015
She’ll be lovely. You’ll be able to count the spaces in between her ribs. She’ll have thin skin and it’ll be so easy to drive her crazy with just a single touch. It’ll be easy to make your mark on her, too. She’ll bruise easy and love it. She’ll think it’s beautiful.

2. She won’t ever be expensive on dates because all she’ll order is a salad. You’ll never have to worry about her ordering an expensive steak. You might have to worry about emergency room bills when she passes out, but she’ll never ask for anything else. All she’ll want is ***** and sleeping pills.

3. She will always put you first. Your needs always come before hers because she was raised “God first, others second, I am third”. She’ll make you hot chocolate and drive to your house at 3 AM with pizza she won’t eat, even though she’s dead tired and all she wants is a good night’s rest. You can count on her to be there.

4. She will tell you that you are perfect. She’ll believe it, too. Everyone around her seems to be perfect and she’s drowning under the weight of mediocrity but it’s ok as long as you know how perfect you are.

5. She’ll always have scissors and pencil sharpeners on hand. The knives in her kitchen are always sharpened to perfection and if you forget your razor at home, it’s ok. She has extras in her closet.

6. She’ll ******* anytime you want. As long as you don’t look at her while she’s getting undressed, she’ll love you until she can’t breathe anymore. She’ll smile as you kiss her thighs because you’re the only one that makes her feel beautiful.

7. Date a girl who hates herself because she’ll love you.
Silver Lining Jan 2015
And I thought I was getting better

      but then I woke up on the tile

the water had lost its heat and the burn had moved to my throat
nia fox Jan 2015
she looks in the mirror
trails a finger down her skin
doesn't feel her bones
ashamed of the skin that she's in
she takes a bite of the bread
succumbing to the devil
but she pours the ipecac down her throat
Mia and Ana, rolling in their revel
crying into her pillow
because she's so fat
everyone else is prettier
she's not even worth looking at
stops eating for a month
not satisfied with her body
death's knocking on her door
but hey, she's no longer stocky!
boys have been staring her down
lust filling their eyes
it's sad to see that no one else sees
this detrimental disguise
the blood trickles down her forearm
who could be more proud?
but inside she's screaming for help
screaming for help, real loud
she never got a chance to say goodbye
what a bitter taste
but she got what she wanted
and all she wanted was a dainty waist
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