yeah, yeah, you say you love me.
but do you really LOVE ME?
the me that gets mad,
that raises her voice too high.
The one that gets insecure more often than not,
that makes everyone believe she is strong while crumbling down inside,
the one that really needs a push but won´t ask you.
Do you love me when I get tired before we go out,
or when I get sad and I dont know why?
Do you love me when I get serious and out of no where I start to laugh?
I know it´s complicated, I know I´m not an easy job.
And I ask too many questions but I have to be sure,
that when you say you love me, you really mean love.

and if you're tired of the blocked calls with no answer, please know it's more than some punk kid with too much time on his hands. Please pick up. I need to hear your voice.
"Hello?"
yes. he's there. he's real. it wasn't all in my head.
"Hello...?"
oh right, that's what your voice sounds like. i'd give anything to have all those late night i love yous preserved in my memory
"Is anyone there?"
it's me. i'm here. i miss you. oh my god i love you. please don't go
please love me
please come back
*please.

drunken dreams amaze me
I dreamt I was drowning
swallowing enough water
to sink a ship
but woke up dehydrated
I dreamt I fell asleep next to you
your hand softly on my hip
but woke up
**missing you more than I have in months

Just two years ago
I’d race home from school
Driving my little car too fast
Around country curves
To see if there was a thick envelope
With my name on it
From any of the
Twenty something colleges
I’d clicked on
All I needed was one
And that was my ticket out of
My small hometown
To freedom
To a fresh start
And that was all I’d ever wanted
Was one fresh start
Not one every weekend
I wanted to start over once
Find the love of my life
Or at least the one of my college career
And be done
I didn’t want to have to worry any more
For a while
But every Monday morning
I reach for my phone
Hoping to see a name lit up
On the screen
Even if its asking for
More ****** ***
Or if the thong you found was mine
At least its something
That makes it feel
Like I’m wanted

Spring Ahead
Fall Behind
Walking through the warm leaves
I heard a couple
Thank God
For an extra hour of sleep
But we just looked at each other
With knowing smiles
And headed back to your place
And for that extra hour
We drove in your car
At 90 miles an hour
With the windows down
Blaring jazz music
Cigarettes trailing smoke
And orange embers
Behind us
And we sat on your couch
And drank cheap beer
Till everything was fuzzy
And I couldn’t hear right
And you kissed me when I turned your way
Because you thought I wanted it
And I just couldn’t tell what you said
And you kissed me harder
As you pulled down my skirt
Clumsily
Because you hadn’t done this in a while
And our skin smelled like beer
And nicotine
And regrets
And it was the most beautiful
Imperfect
Night of my life
And when we heard the one o’clock church bells
A second time
You pulled back on
Your ripped up jeans
And I slipped my phone
Under my bra strap
And I left
Closed your door
Covered in chipping paint
Years of frat boys' dreams
Stripping off
And I left
And that was the end
And that hour never existed

And the rain is falling
Making music off the roofs of the cars
And we stand there
In the steam rising from the
Parking lot pavement
Shadows made from
Alarmed headlights
First, still
Then, quickly moving
From two separate shapes
To one jumble of limbs
The two of us becoming indistinguishable
As I can’t hold you close enough to me
And after so long waiting
I don't mind
My tears mixing
With the rain
Making our first open-mouthed kiss
Wet and messy
And you tangle your fingers
Into my waterlogged curls

I'm not the prettiest girl
I don't wear the best clothes
I don't havr perfect teeth
Or perfect vision
I don't have a big ****
Or the perfect waist for you to hold
Or the perfect lips for you to kiss
But I do have a heart to love