I won the lottery last week. I played the mega millions with a jackpot of 60 million hoping 5 numbers could determine the rest of my life.

Where I live, a man won the lottery only 12 miles from me with a jackpot of 127 million dollars.

I try to fathom how that would feel. How I could take everyone I care about and give them anything they ever wanted.

People are talking about it days after and every time it is mentioned, its like glass shattering in my ears. How could someone be so lucky?

He will probably eat the best food and buy the nicest things. But thats all they will be is "things". The money will slowly push family and friends away.

He will no longer have to work, he will no longer have time for people that were there before. Because the money is all thats there.

Maybe I envy him. Or maybe i'm sorry for him. I'm not sure.

I won the lottery last week. I thought of all the things I could do and places I could go.

A 2 dollar winning lottery ticket made me realize that I won. We are all rich! In our own minds.

Our struggle is what makes our character. Our stories is the poetry of life. We win the lottery everyday, most of us just don't know how to spend it.

Disclaimer to Elizabethan democracy
It hits it's head on the chamber table
My hangman, eyes rolled up behind his mask dry lips hurt the ear drums
Least this broken bridge burn under our feet
Least it broils into rainbows, blood letting its comatosis
We'll replace fear with release
And suffer this karma like a detox struggle
When the tv glares blue a displacement glares right back, legs badly scarred taken by a strong hand
Patches must be missing, infra rave lights up hollow
I couldn't even draw the pentagram
The scales had fallen on my feet

Five twenty Texas.
In the morn
Fore the busses test their horns.
As a train rattles next to 377
Before I hit 7-11
Where I bet a dollar for a million
Sometimes two on a billion.
Never won once
****** little *****
I'll win tomorrow.
Cause I'll be up drunk for
Five twenty Texas

Everytime a guy asks me what I prefer in a woman
They normally ask me if I like the front or the back
But honestly I think class is what's lacking
I don't judge a woman by her body
I think her personality is really what matters
I know we men would be angry if a girl asked another girl if she liked guys with a Maserati or a Ferrari
Not all of them are about money
That's when you know if she's really your honey
She doesn't except to take your money and run
You can get fired from your job and have your car get towed
And she'd still offer you a ride home
Isn't that funny
She wants you to get the hint and you still react like nothing has happened
Ain't it frustrating to be a girl
Not wanting to come off as desperate, but you desperately want him to see
What it could really be
Going through all the crap and still wanting to be with him
That's a real woman
That's what I want
A strong woman who puts up with my stupidity and still sticks around
With no possible reward to be found
The real jackpot is having her instead
Any woman like her is a lottery
Just make sure you treat her right
And be there for her when she's giving birth to your children
If you ask me, I wouldn't of made it so painful
But the pain is a little easier
When you're holding her hand and refusing to let it go
She'll remember that forever
Only being glad she decided to have kids with you
Just remember that when you **** her off
And you're sitting there with dozens of beer bottles on the floor with a few empty Doritos bags
Eating till you become dizzy
Regretting that you made her mad
And she let's you suffer with no response on your apology calls
We all make mistakes
But make sure letting her run away from your life isn't one of them

Did you know?
You're holding out for her
And while your determination is admirable
It's not unique
there's not enough of these girls to go around to all you boys
Only some will win the lottery
And others will have to give up
Get a real girl
Get a real life

I'm a real girl
I'm so real it hurts

When you fail I'll be around
But it might be too late

scratch off
your disease and
match the dollars,
instant cash from
bells and cherries
like the drawings
of a whistle aren't
symbolic or a warning
for bottomless desires,
buried dreams replaced by
objects cheaper than a
chance or step into
uncertainty.

© Ben Ditmars 2014