Never blame me when it was your choice in the first place.

All of my life has been a search
For things I could not see
For matters founding in my heart
For things that I could be
I sold my home and life
For principiality
But everything was worth the price
And Im remorselessly

Yet I wonder now and then
Whenever I am asked again
What I have answered once
Though I walked freely down that path
And there is no regret
and yet
I wonder what I felt inside
What caused my mind to set
This way along the past
What craving caused my vast
Amount of ruthlessness

I lost my time, with no remorse,
And all of my appeal
The breaking clocks may have been worse
But still, I could'nt feel
Nor understand
what Ive been searching for

And when I carried on my way
I lost myself in forlorn days
Where I found something new
I never had been searching for
And yet I felt that something grew
Inside of me
That let me fear
The things about to come

For I got lost,
found by someone,
Something that changed my mind
I didnt want to lose that fast
Nor leave it all behind

And for the first time I did fight
I changed the clockwork of my mind
I chose a place, a time a side
And wonder about all my life
About decisions, thoughts and creeds
I owned in future pasts
For any deed
I would regret
And yet
I wonder
What have happened
to my heart

I feel my heart shrinking
without light, without air
feel the pressure increasing
no space anywhere

Crushing, constricting
screams muted by lies
but what will remain
if anything does

A fish out of water
a bird thrown to the ground
Adapting? Surviving?
Or wilting, drying out

I plucked myself
I broke my core

Now I'm left with the pieces
I forced out of the puzzle
and the puzzle keeps changing
I can't put them back

This hole in my chest
frayed edges, torn pages
For nothing, a thing

Here I stand
Withering

Here I am slowly walking
Down the road I have taken
Have passed through the two roads
Diverge in a yellow wood
The choice has been made
I chose to take this road.
But I was defeated
my mind is a traitor
The thoughts of “could have been”
Have started to win me over
“It would have been better
if I have chosen the other.”
I feel so hopeless and helpless
sadness, regrets and pain
I don’t know when
I’ll be able to reach the end.
I looked to the direction
Of where I came from
I closed my eyes and saw again
reasons why I’ve traveled this far
I started to feel again
The same feelings i have
When I’ve taken my first step
It was a desperate feelings
Of excitement, untainted and pure.
And then I remembered a poem
That says to not regret
and make a big difference
With the choices we made.
So I have managed to continue this journey
with no turning back,
Looking forward to the end
Regardless of what’s waiting
Despite it being unknown
I have to make this choice
A successful decision.