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My deeply hidden inner restlessness often finds me when it only walks the depths of my crouching trap-soul; Sisyphean boulders are cut first into tears, then into pearls with a buzzing, persistent work of the universal melancholy with the smell of spleen, carefully guarded. So many billions of instinct-splits of cosmic forces ready to crumble, the torn, abandoned hawthorn bush revolves like a sleepless swarm of bees, from which a camp of brainwashed idiots regularly light screaming bonfires.

My impulses are bound by Zhivágó’s gales, they would not let me go, because now I am still standing up to my waist, hesitant, often helplessly in my unfinished, ridiculous affairs, and it is no longer my mere actions that define me - but rather the devilish spasm-like convulsions of the soul, which not even the dog can hear.

With concentrated attention, I tie days together again, like the echoes of some strange coordinates, so that I can feel and know that I am going in the right direction.

Like a broken-hearted *******, I throw away the weight of my often useless memories, which still tempt me in the fangs of nights crouching in the form of my recurring nightmares: I should still hold on to myself tooth and nail, with the all-conquering holy tiger-will, as long as possible and as long as my prisoner-body allows it at all by the speeding highways of the rampant, daily changing, and worn-out cell-molecule tendrils.

It would be good to live a little longer, as if the free thought that continues into infinity, thirsting for independence, were to be rocked quietly by white silence, as if the one-Dear, who could still promise to wait for me from the far reaches of other shores. Black-eyed supplicants ring out in humming-melancholy voices while a Damocles-sword blade rests hissingly over my balding orthopedic head!
Yellow around the center of your eyes
Is there something in you that is sick
Is there darkness in the middle space
Or is that the sickness completed
Just around the edge is a bit of blue
As if there was light searching in you
I’m curious to see which will have control
The light is so fragile, only scouting the edge
Or the sickness that has held you for years
Parisha 7h
Last time,
with lost grief,
I kept thinking of something
that never found an answer.

The day I asked the universe:
Why? Why do you never let the world drive by itself—
without your rules, without its taste?
But silence whispered ,unexplainable.
Or maybe.. I just didn’t hear.

I see people moaning,
“Oh God! Please call me to yourself!”
But you never call them.

I see people crying,
“Oh God! Please forgive my mistakes, spare my life!”
But I guess they are your favourites.

From here, from there,
I wonder...
Why do they both ends the same way?
Both cries, only perspectives apart:
one wants to stay, while other wishes to leave.

I asked the universe again:
Why? Why do those who wish to live, eventually leaves
while those who wish to leave, eventually stays?

These questions covered up in the silence again..

It’s been months, unanswered...
Or maybe it’s just unexplainable.

Maybe the universe breathes in paradox.
And that itself is the answer.

—Parisha
Something that i wondered in these past days.. maybe my brain grown old.. 🤧
In the wings of hope, I find my refuge and, in silence, I make my prayer, not always seeing the obstacles that life places before me. I am like a vibrant color that paints pictures which, with time, become moments for those who remain alive in memories, turning into parts of me. I am a gift from God, an eternal learner in the cycles of coming and going. Even as a warrior, I carry my fears; I cry, I smile, and I take with me a blend of pain, joy, and cherished memories. When opening the door, you may face challenges; the deceptive maze does not reveal itself at once. Between dreaming and doing, any attempt to move forward can be exhausting, and choosing to give up is to lose oneself in the shadows of darkness. I believe in the beauty of tomorrow and, even if there are no roses in the garden, I keep going. Life is built in the present, that is why I try now, even if barefoot. I am an example of overcoming who graduated from the school of life. Many times, the school meal was a powerful engine for my motivation and learning, a written story that, deep inside, only longs to be happy.
And Death entered her room at nightfall,
To fetch a beloved soul.
"Why are you crying, child?" Death asked the child.
"Mr. Snuffles won't wake up! I keep shaking him, yet he won't wake up!"
The child responded, cradling the small black cat in her arms.

"He has passed away, child. I'm here to take him to a place where he shall finally rest."
Death explained to the crying child.
"Where will you take him, mister? Why must you take him away?"
The child cried louder, seeming more desperate to keep her beloved cat to herself.

"It's time that Mr. Snuffles must go on and get rebirthed to his next life."
"With his short life in this world, he has already fulfilled his purpose, and that is to look after you as long as his little body allows."
Death further added.

"But you can't take him away, mister, not yet! I am still not grown, and I am still afraid to be alone in the dark!"
The child hugged her beloved cat tighter.
"There is light in the darkness, my child, and there is solace in being alone."
"Even if you wish to keep him longer, his body couldn't sustain his soul anymore. Another life awaits him at the other end."
Death squatted in front of the child, gently prying the cat from her.

"Why must you hold on to something that can no longer be there for you?"
Death asked yet another question.
"Because I still haven't made Mr. Snuffles happy! I haven't loved him enough yet. He can't go yet, please, mister!"
The child pleaded.

"Isn't it ironic that only in death humans find empathy, only in death your kind desperately asked for life when so many of you waste it away?"
Death thought to himself, seeming to wonder the irony of human emotions.

"Child, in this world, there's not a thing that remains permanent. Everything will eventually fade away, as well as the grief you are feeling in your little heart. One must know when to let go in order for the deceased and the living to move forward."
Death told the child softly.

"There will be comfort in grieving, there will be love with hatred, and most importantly, there will be life after death."
Death patted the child's head as he stood up, now cradling the black furball in his arms.

"Remember, child, death is not a curse nor is it a blessing. One must embrace this process in order to value the significance of life. Without death, life will be meaningless."
"Go forth, child, cry, grieve, be angry, yet remember that you must go forward in order to continue the existence of your beloved cat in your memories."
Death said as parting before he faded into the darkness of the night.

The child, stunned, collapsed on her bed, clutching Mr. Snuffles' collar near to her heaving chest.


- N.V. 🥀
I'll find you in the next life
And the life after that
I'll keep finding you
And I will keep telling you
That I have loved you
In every lifetime
From every beginning
To every end
I have always loved you
CE Uptain 17h
Another day afternoon
Long shadows will be creeping soon
We are all shadows beneath the moon

Lonely light fills the sky
Darkness hangs in the bye and bye
Stars shine like little eyes

Through the shadows for all to see
What is darkness, what is me
Save the daylight to be free
3/06/22
From a few years back.
CE Uptain 17h
I learned to be non-confrontational
What good does it do to argue
The truth stands when lies fall
Open minds see clearly

I learned the hard way
A job will wear you down
Hard work can easily go wrong
One ah-**** wipes out an atta boy

What makes you happy
Make sure it’s true in you
It’s too hard to share a dream
Find love together
9/01/25
I had to take a break from my haiku lessons, too much English.
It would be even better if the given promise-word would not just settle as a hearsay deliberately in deaf ears, would cover the brainwashed brains and the cranial cavity like a beneficial ivy; in beating hearts, even so, echoing formations could still take shape, the raw dough-leaven of trust and sincerity. Everyday life has long since become associated with something sticky, nauseating, yet celebratory, but false grandeur.

In eternal fate-sabbath formulas, attraction and repulsion seem to strain themselves simultaneously; between opportunity and conscious failure, perhaps it is better for a person to choose the latter, since the conscious curse of his mortality awaits him anyway. Things just happen, but you never know why or how the answers will be.

As if every earthly step, a gathering of superficial-lying faces were heading somewhere, silver-plated stars tattooed their eternal fate into the pitch-black night like their selfish, own Apocryphal signs, while the weak man remained below with his earthly sinful burdens. The eternal weaving of Being and Time through the instinctive walls of cells is finally fulfilled.

The stuffy noisy competition of people is now shaken by the automatic, roaring rhythmic voice of machines; man could hardly be further from man now. It would be good to shed once and for all the hours of boredom, when the immortal soul, indifferently languishing, only comes to grow old within us, and, arm in arm with death and fate, but still defying, everything that could once have existed as a goal, as a far-sounding, holy will, should rumble everywhere. Because something definitive, something incomprehensible, only comes together after half of a human life, and the failure of our well-thought-out plans is thrown upon us...
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