Miss hoodoo mother bake me a pecan pie
I’ve been gone for too many Christmases
Blood soaked magnolias splayed before white linens
Smell of a fire just stifled out, stifled out by blood
Cheeks still glistening when I came in the kitchen
“Are you searching for something or running from it?”
Fields crowned in white, soil fertilized with sweat
With heartbreak
You’re fertile, the warmth envelopes me
The birthplace of something blue, something used
I can’t say when I’ll be back again, the road is long
I’ll keep your song with me, chords of pain and comfort
Your scars are visible at the supermarket, whispered about
Billboards of turmoil everyone drives by
Lips ache for a taste of your lemonade nonetheless
I think about my time in that home, in my home
If I should have boarded that casino boat
What number would those dice land on
The one thing that I did wrong

When I look at the pictures that I used to take
Of us sitting together,
saw your beaming face.
The beautiful poses that you used to do
Oh how I wish I could come back to you

Why do I tear up when memories are no more
The feelings worked over
You walked out the door
I no longer exist to you
Maybe its better
That you never see the poem
Enclosed in this letter.

do you remember me? it's been four years. i look so different, but i think i might have seen a flicker of recognition in your eyes, maybe a smile. you look pretty different, too, with that half-baked teenage beard and that new school uniform. i remember how our old school uniform hung off your lily-white shoulders, not yet grown into. you've grown so much. I'm half-convinced i dreamed you, as you were years ago. i saw you and felt a tug in my gut, almost like stepping into a childhood home where someone else has set up a life. why am i am so stuck on seeing you, like it left a hook in my lungs, like a scratched-up CD? maybe because i knew you, but not anymore. maybe because we never really said goodbye. maybe because it was always, always complicated. maybe because we were friends. maybe because of the thumbnail car you left on my hand. maybe because i miss you. maybe because seeing you shot me right back to five summers ago when all that mattered was the melting heat of the oval grass and who we ate lunch with. i hope i see you again. maybe next time I'll say hi. maybe point out the scar and fit it to your thumbnail. maybe never tell you i picked at the scab over and over to have something to remember you by. maybe ask you about your favourite movie.

To the emotionally estranged,

I’ve never known what was good for me  All I’ve ever known was how to tie my shoes and binge eat captain crunch  You place your finger tips all over my stomach  Padding each piece of lymph  Do you ever want to curl like those little pillbugs?  It seems like I haven’t seen one of those since you watched me eat dirt, and grass, and I’ve perhaps tried a dandelion  But I don’t think you knew  I’ve tied your shoes before  My big tooth fell out on the driveway  We searched for a minute, maybe two  I tasted blood in my mouth for the first time  It was like the early smell of gasoline  I appreciated it  And I said so  I walked down the steps and turned the corner  Your eyes lit up to see the seven year old wearing tights, long socks, a dress underneath a sweater and a thrifted vest, as well as a lost fedora found in the attic  I pulled down the decrepit stairs and you heard the whine of bothered steps  yelling up the stairs “what are you doing”  Feathered Fedora shall be lost again  The school’s Saint Patricks leprechaun stole it  Or so you say to avoid the bi polar of it all  The hospital was a new thing for me  You took me, I sat silent in the passenger seat  We played the radio (we never played the radio)  I didn’t know if I should’ve apologized or something for having premarital ***  But I don’t think it would’ve bothered you too much  You’d be glad a boy liked me!  Well, he didn’t like me like that  I don’t know why he chose me that *****, ****** night  You bought me a sweater from Michaels afterwards, it said something like “I believe in unicorns and Santa”  It was on sale since it was January  I won’t let you hold me, and how it needles you  Wake  I sang at her wake  An Adele original  I did it for me  And you  But also me  Everyone’s tears dried by the time we reached the restaurant  I wonder how they fixed the smash in her head while eating eggplant parm  Mortisions are magical  Some crimes I’ll never forget  Asked why I don’t talk to him or text or call or like  We will sit in this diner and recline in the giant booth that’s too big for the fragility of your body  You pray for me  Stop praying for me  I take up much time  I don't have the right virtues for all that  Don’t overindulge in god  Track me home at two am  Make sure I’m safe  I’ll keep tying your shoes, at the graduation, at the barbeque, at the talent show  anywhere  I’d fly home to tie your shoes  if you asked me to  if you wanted me to  if you'd let me-

With a sort of deteriorating eternal love,
Angel

To JC,

I had no one to tell these things before:

When I found myself lost in this world
because we weren't together,
I caught it wandering in another.

One where you walked on solid clouds,
and I left the comforts of a solid ground.

I didn't want to leave
because you were there
and we were together,

but bells ring, days end,
so I came down.

My feet touched the ground.

Love,
ML

Father still conjures

up gilded vistas for me --


with his old letter.

From Publius
To Livia

I'm writing to tell you
I will no longer work your fields

For too long my sweat bled to make you look good
Mine harvest fed the entire eternal city
For months!

Yet you'd eyes only for the leadened ***** of
Gaius
And
Marcus
It's a wonder you haven't gone blind yet

Or mayhaps you have?

It would explain your complete and utter ignorance
Of the goings on right outside your window!

Those furrows
I plowed
That terrace
I built
Those grapes
I grew

I nurtured this land long before you
And Marcus

Originally,
It was just myself and Gaius
Charged with taming wild Ceres
Transforming forest to field
Then field to farm
A cornucopia of plenty

Then you came along
Your drooling dog in tow
Salivating the discord of Discord
While gorging yourself on Gaius' selfish lies
Taking credit for mine own efforts
And treating me as a mere shadow on the wall

Invisible to all

Well,
I prayed to the Capitoline Triad
I offered a white bull to Jupiter the king
And asked him to command radiant Sol
To shine bright on your shade
And bless me with brighter horizons

I begged jealous Juno
To send windy ****** to blow you off course
Along with your precious pets
Hopefully you'll crash on Sicilian shores
With only furious Polyphemus for company
For this I burned frankincense and myrrh

To ****** Minerva
A libation of mine own wine
So she might reveal your true arachnid self
A punishment for your self aggrandizing arrogance
Thinking yourself wiser in the art of cultivation
Than the goddess of wisdom herself

Dear Livia,
You should be worried

Already my horizons brighten
As yours begins to dim in mine absence
And slowly, your guise of perfection is slipping
Revealing six sinewy legs, dagger tipped
And fangs dyed red with innocent blood

The Gods have heard my prayers
And your web begins to unravel

Praise Olympus

Signed,
PERTINAX

To Cristoforo,

It's often silent — but it's there,
the cannons aimed above our heads
under their white flags and olive branch.

Love,
LL

From Publius
To Marcus

Marcus, I must apologize:
It is true that I said you were as Antinous
To Gaius' Hadrianus,
But do not fret, it was not in jest;
I truly did ask the Gods to curse you so.

You see, this farm,
This land,
Has been my ward long before you...
In your Janus mask,
Were hired.
At least that God understands the difference
Between war and peace.

Unlike you, dear Marcus,
Who brings only chaos to the fields;
A greater pestilence than any drought or rot.
You are the weevil that spoils the grain,
Corrupting all around you.

Poor Gaius has already fallen
Under your impious spell.
His fields grow fallow from association
With you Marcus!

What shame you bring your family
With your lazy immorality,
Incapable of discerning right from wrong,
Lest it be ascribed by your new dominus, Gaius,
Whose skin your claws flay with fatal flattery.

All this while I tend both your fields,
And mine own,
Working myself to the bone;
The heat, and sweat, and bugs,
Reminiscent of Pluto's underworld.
To honor my family.
To feed my family.

I honor my ancestors Marcus!
Daily, I make offerings to Gods of house and state
At my household alter;

The Capitoline triad overflow with my piety,
Bringing abundance to mine soul and soil alike.
Plenty, that you, sweet Antinous, claim as your own.

No longer.
I'm divorcing myself from all of you.
You can have the land.
As it stands it would make a beautiful wedding plot.
I've even gone to the trouble of forging you a ring,
Meticulously sourced from your masters ****!

Consider it a fragrant farewell
From your favorite fan,
Who will fondly not remember you,
Even as you scramble without me,
And miss the coattails you rode,
To usurp my home.

Woe to the plow;
Proscribed to die in rust.

Signed,
PERTINAX