Lately, I’ve been feeling a little light headed. No, I’m okay. I don’t have a condition or anything. I just feel like my world is slowly collapsing. Every time I try to fix things and somehow getting good, the universe will do a huge clap back and smack me in the face.

Lately, I’ve been feeling a little useless. Just when I thought I’m doing an excellent job at work, it came to a point that they have to let me go because of personal issues and choices. “You’re good but...” There’s always a but. But should be my middle name in other lifetime. It suits me well.

Lately, I’ve been feeling very insecure. My girlfriend loves me, I know that. But sometimes I feel like she can’t express so much of a feeling like how she used to express it to her ex-girlfriend. When we started dating, I stalked my girlfriend for fun and I saw posts and letters and all that kind of crap how she loves her and how every single second is important when talking to her. She even right the call details in a ******* notebook with all the hearts and smileys and all cheesiness. Me, on the other hand, being mad at for being demanding for asking more phone calls. (she’s working milessss away, btw).

Lately, I’ve been feeling a little betrayed. My mother, who is supposed to keep me safe and warm based on the world’s rule, messed with my life. She placed me in a very difficult position and now people are hunting me away. My cousins, who are my very best friends as well, turned their backs on me because of what my mother did. They even back stab me during dinners that I’m not around. Referring to me as “she’s like her mom”

Lately, I’ve been feeling… Lost. I have nobody to turn to. I have nothing to do. I always tell myself to “Focus on what I can control. But now… I don’t have control about anything anymore.

I go to sleep at
10 p.m
but lately it's more like
2 a.m.
because I don't want
to turn the lights off

I go to sleep at
10 p.m
but lately it's more like
2 a.m.
because I don't want
to turn the lights off

I brush my teeth
every morning and night
but lately it doesn't matter
enough to me
because my breath will only again be soured
by bitter truths in the morning

I don't read or watch t.v.
before going to bed
but lately I've been
listening to children's stories
because they imitate the innocence
that was long ago stolen from me

someday it will be willed (have I told you lately that I love you?)

that the poetry ceases,
no more birthdays notated
calendar closed, the ***’s axed,
kitchen junk drawer, a consignment store,
no longer needed, the futility of saving
knickknacks, maximized, the no lasting
value proposition, realized, eulogized.

pictures of beautiful automobiles,
decorated with beautiful women,
will forever be last year’s models,
one calendar too far, not long enough

no more of

have I told you lately that I love you?

wrote you plenty love poems so, hereafter,
you won’t be bereft, left farklempt,
arranged one-a-day, on a timed delay,
so many more that will appear in your
inbox until you too, no longer choose open it.

no more “sirprising” I love you statements,
taped to the milk carton, it was so willed,
the daily counting, record keeping, who first,
how many, secretly added to a grocery list,
in stuff that was so beloved, exasperating,
making you just right amount of crazy, smiling....
someday it will be willed, so,


here’s the first of many more....

I've been dreaming a lot lately,
I've been getting enough sleep and more,
I've been writing things that rhyme,
I've been cutting off toxic people,
I've been breathing fresh air
and oh my god it feels so
good to be so empty.