It's been three years
since I was madly infatuated with you
with your hair (curly, long, dark)
your freckles (sprinkled across your face)
your nose (straight-bridged, strong)
your eyes (dark, warm)
your lips (smiling, laughing)
your voice (like a river, like molasses)

summer camp isn't the best time
to fall for a girl
for me
(and god, the secret had to stay that way)

but after three years
you're the only person from that summer
I still have on facebook

so it's been three years
since I was madly infatuated with you
(but if you wanted
I would be
still)

I've known you twice
in this life
and some things are always the same
(if you can say
always
about two people)
you're always vegan
and you have really great hair
and a love
and understanding
of art
that I can never hope to match
with my numbers and my equations
(like x = you + me is never one I can solve
because you need two equations to solve for two
variables
and you're always
variable
and sometimes I'm not even sure I know myself)

and I feel in the pit inside me like
we should be good friends
but maybe you don't need me
and maybe this connection
is only a one-way street
the way some people say they feel
connected
to celebrities

(I don't think I worship you
like you're famous
but there's some kind of worship
there
anyways, like you're a blinding star
and I'm a lump of rock
spit out by some minor moon
barely worth your notice, even though I
revolve around you)

and I never find out why it seems
like your heart always has to beat
a million miles away
from mine

Tɦɛ ɮɛst tɦɨռɢs tɦat ɨռ ʟɨʄɛ aʀɛ ռօt ʄʀɛɛ. Tɦɛʀɛ ɨs aʟաaʏs a քʀɨċɛ tօ քaʏ, ɛʋɛռ ʄօʀ tɦɛ sʍaʟʟɛst օʄ tɦɨռɢs. Yօʊ aʟաaʏs ɦaʋɛ tօ աօʀҡ ʄօʀ աɦat ʏօʊ աaռt, ɮɛċaʊsɛ tɦɛʏ աօռ't ċօʍɛ ɛasʏ. Nօtɦɨռɢ ɨռ ʟɨʄɛ ɨs ɛasʏ.

1.  you're entire family will one day consist of just one person - yourself.  No one tells you this until after it happens. And when it does, everything that you thought you knew, doesn't make sense anymore.  No man is an island until he becomes one.

2. My dad used to say all of these really great things when I was a kid that I wish I could remember. I'll know my name when he calls it. I hope I will know.

3. Am I supposed to consider myself lucky because I'm a first generation? Because my ancestors weren't stolen and sold? Because my parents chose to come here? Weren't deprived of their identity? Because they were educated?  Am I allowed to grieve my peoples tragedies? Can I call them my people even though our great grandmothers didn't go through the same struggles? Some would say no.

4. College is ******* expensive. I'm already broke and I don't even have my first degree yet. It's almost starting to cost more than my ambition. Might need to take another loan out.

5. Ever since I was too young to fully comprehend the finality of death, that people can suddenly cease to be, she taught me while teaching herself how to live without him. She never taught me how to live without her because we both thought that she wouldn't have to. Now I'm teaching myself to live without them and we never thought that I'd have to. Will I have to teach my kids one day how to do the same? I pray to God that I wont have to.

6.( Invincibility doesn't mean **** when you see it die in front of you.) I still use the present tense when I say your name. My mom says that, sorry I meant used to say that all the time. My dad is really, sorry I meant to say was really tall. Life's constant grammar lesson : past tense - a tense expressing something that previously existed.

7. Alcohol is your friend until it's not. People are the same way, except they are harder to find on a daily basis and you can never run out of alcohol.

8.  I have a habit of calling wherever I'm going home. If I'm laying my head down there for the night, it's home. Because for me it's always temporary and somewhere different. I'm never homeless.

9. We are supposed to trust no one, but love with all of our being. You can't do both. Pick one.

10. You're family will one day consist of just one person - yourself. No one tells you until after it happens. And when it does, everything that you thought you knew, doesn't make sense anymore. So you start over.

Her body wrapped around the white sheets snakelike.
Eyes half shut and hair tucked behind her ear she took a deep breath then in a post ******* state rolled her eyes closed them, smiled and bit her bottom lip with a half smile.
As my fingers ran down her spine there was only one thing on my mind.
"Now you have to leave him" I whispered softly as I kissed her neck with the conviction of a man possessed consumed by all she had to offer.

Shine...Shine..
Oh! Mr. Bright Smile
Filled with every thoughts & happy feeling
The cupcake to my heart and the sweetest seranade
You bright up my light
the excitement and the joy I've found
And i knew it from the start that this is
between
me
&
y
o
u
u
u
u
  u
    u
        u

I’m numb

I can’t feel the world

I can’t see the light

I’m a hopeless girl

I have a cold heart

I’m not even there

I’m a soulless body

And I don’t even care

If I slit my wrists

And I bleed out

I’ll count the minutes

Until I’m out

In an endless sleep

I weep

And no one knows

There is nothing but cuts

Beneath my clothes

I cry

As I try

To hide the pain

But it’s all the same

I’ll try to make

Myself

Go away

And I’m the only one to blame

And I have nothing else to say

I promised you that I would stay

But not today

I pray

You won’t be angry

If I don’t wake

Tomorrow day

Because my whole world

Has turned gray

And soon

I know I’ll fade

Fade away

And disappear

Please hold

The memory of me

So dear

I can’t

I can’t

I can’t go on

Even with you

I’m still not strong

I say I can’t do this

On my own

But even with you

I do not grow

I’m still not happy

Just please know

I love you dearly

But I have to go

Sing me a song

While I sleep

Keep me warm

And please don’t leave

Just stay with me

Throughout the night

And everything

Will be

Alright

I love you so much

So please don’t cry

Everything will be

Alright

I’ll die in the night

Free of fright

And everything

Will be

Alright.