Well these days I'm not fine
Sitting and staring at flowers that aren't mine
Breathing a breeze that smells of seawater
Thinking of my heart beneath those distant waves

I need someone but no one can help me
Everyone says to "get some help please"
What does that look like through my lenses?I

Help for you is not help for me
Help for them is not help you you
Help for me is a mystery

Shrouded and ambiguous
It flies like migrating birds far beyond my reach

You should believe in love, girl
One day it's going to find you
Love will say your name
and you're going to fall

It's going to be okay

When it's real and unmoving
At your side when you're low
Love will say your name
and girl, you're going to fall

It's okay

All I write are empty pages filled with words
Trying to let out demons I locked in
To convey that I'm not okay
I'm broken inside
Nothing helps
I'm alone
I'm dying
Drowning
Nothing helps
I can't stop the pain anymore
Peace is just the time between waves of pain
Everything that is good that steps into my life
Gets taken away from me
Pushed out the door
So I'm sorry
I'm sorry
For being alone
For dying
For drowning
In thoughts not my own
I'm broken
Please leave me alone
You don't want to see me like this
You don't
Please go
please...

There is a fear resting on this brain
Fear of obsolescence too young
Use used up too early
Spidering across my mind's eye
It is
Unsettling
To be old at a young age
In body & mind
The mirror shows your youth but
Cannot discover the years within
Everyone says "You're so young you have your whole life ahead of you!"
(It's such an oxymoron, your whole life is only ever behind you... If people cared to think they would learn this)

Young
young
y o u n g
Is it just a number?
Do I have to bury friends and family before I'm considered old?
Where is the invisible threshold that I must have passed when I was a child? Or a teen?
I haven't pocketed my third decade but my
HEART
                    is
HEAVY

I long to die but I'm scared to die so I just want to die so I stop thinking about death all the time. People will get over me.
If I'm (un)lucky my words won't be remembered
Most words are memories we want to forget
Yet we write them down
To the deep parts of our souls
Etch them in our marble foundations
Hoping out dreams will show them some nights
But I want to forget it all

I'm old ******
If you don't believe me ask my friends
If you don't believe them ask the dead
If you don't believe them stop reading
Because you were never listening in the first place
Just waiting for your turn to talk
To say I'm nonsensical
To eNcOuRaGe mE to lOoK fOrWaRd
When forward doesn't exist yet
By the time it does it's just more minutes
Stacked on my back
Days stacked on my back
Months stacked
Years stacked
Until you call me old
and I tell you I've been here the whole time

(You just chose not to believe)

friends that i've lost
i remember you in my heart
your graves stand tall and polished

promises
   that you wouldn't leave
promises
   that what we had meant something

i hate every time you go
without even a goodbye
it hurts more and more inside

promises
   don't mean much anymore
promises
   are an untold lie

someone take this damaged soul
i have no need for it anymore
just let me die under this moon

Noun, verb, adjective
Pronoun, proper noun
Determiner, exclamation
Interjection
It can do it all
Tastes like vitriol
High on the anger
     (or high on the pleasure)
Sharp as a broken stone
Fits the bill on any occasion
Censored, painted over, blotted out
Doesn't matter to me
I love the word "****"

scared to touch
these feelings
so I'll just watch them
float away
like a bubble
wonder about life
being alone
so used to it
but so uncomfortable
pity the mirror that reflects me
who wants to be scared
who wants to be alone
who makes the choice I made
to amputate your own heart
sometimes I still play make believe
except this time
my bed is a casket
not a pirate ship
and I won't have to get up
tomorrow morning
and face the same day
that was faced yesterday
and today
I'm worn to my bones
my bones worn to marrow
cannot stand anymore
so just sit on the floor
weak
weeping quietly
should I drink or should I ****
I hide both from the ones I love
until the feelings disappear
and let in the jealousy
that they get to float away
while I stay grounded
too scared to
let it all go

Lamenting the light that has left this domicile/
Love has lain down never to rise again/
Lost in the liquid anguish of empty bottles/
Lust bid farewell in a rose stained casket/
Laced in black with pale skin never to touch again/
Loneliness holds me close to her/
Lurid faces meet my peaceful sleep/
Loss is the one thing I know I have/
Life's lyrics looted and left barren...

Run away//
Run away//
From the alarm clock that breaks your rest//
Run away//
From the pains held in your chest//
A life unblessed//
From blessings you subvert//
Run away//
From the love you invert//
Run away//
Run away//
Run//
Away//