i make my heart collapse.
seedlings planted in my chest
trees sprouting out of my *******.
i am the root of this massive Redwood.
i watch the leaves shake
till they touch hands with the sky,
say hello to the sun.

pull me upwards.
lurch me forward.
giant Redwood breaking through me
as i travel up its stump.
i love the blood the tree jerks from my veins.
drips down that rough bark
and settles past its roots
where it lays to rest in the hot center of the earth.

i love the skin ripped from my body
as i am revealed for all that i am.
lies suffocating in oxygen,
their deaths fertilizing the life that is this earth.

Breathe.
feel cold purity enter your lungs.
let the wind carry your limp body.
finger paint the sky as your canvas,
use the sun as your paints.

Rest,
deep in those moon craters.
befriend the stars.

Breathe.
let that rainbow of music notes pour from your mouth as you laugh.
let your smile radiate happiness for all that is.
let your mind fly with the kites
and your tongue taste the air the birds do.

It’s Okay
to fade into that dark night
that only God can see.
to feel that wonderful, eternal fall
in your stomach
as your roller coaster plummets
so sublimely beautiful from that place up high.
body slipping from the seat,
and letting go,
to be all that there is,
to experience all that exists,
to let the light gleam from those cracks
in your still heart.

to fall and rise with the tide
of that ocean
that carried you away
so delicately,
so gracefully,
so searingly beautiful.

I promise
One day
The sun will wash away the rain
And the tide will pull away the darkness

Maybe that isn’t today
And maybe,
That’s okay
Because I promise
One day
You will be.

Coming up from the ground
You see that light
The light that makes you perpetual
Like a feather flowing through the breeze
Deft as an emotion, clear as water
Im open to the world, i'm open to nature

We all have that empty pit in our stomache
When we cant see the sun for what it is
Blocked by the bleakness of winter

But you can get through, you can get through, just keep holdin on

See the forest through the trees
See the trees in the forest

And advice I can give ya, is to not give up
Stuck with  fleeting feeling
Of uncontrable variables

And that balance is virture,

We cant renovate the old, so lets change the new
We cant renovate the old, so lets change the new
lets start a revelotuion
New, new, lets make this world.

I honestly am not suicidal anymore.
And that's good.
It's nice to be able to say that again.
I'd like to feel like I'm living more often, but I don't want to **** myself anymore, at least.
I honestly am not suffering from an eating disorder or any kind of weight paranoia.
This is also good.
It is really nice to be able to feel less worthless in that sense.
These are good things.
I'm getting better.
Let's focus on the positive, Ember.
This year WILL NOT JUST BE AN EXTENSION OF LAST YEAR.
You don't want to live like that anymore.
The silence is over.
Build something better for yourself.
It's time to find your own escape.
And it's time to focus on something better.
Maybe this sinking feeling of depression isn't entirely escapable, but count the struggles you've overcome.
I don't cut anymore, I don't starve anymore, and I don't make drafts for suicide notes anymore.
These are good things.
I still feel hollow, but I'm alive.
I'm going to start FEELING alive.
This is my goal.
It will be okay.
I need to start believing that.
because it is true.
I just don't know it yet.

Tears of sorrow
Is the frosted window
To our darkest desires
And shout the lies

Depression is like a ghost in the snow
It all seems unreal
You have no idea what you're up against
Yet we've seen what they look like

The clock can keep ticking
And whisper the time
We are too ignorant to hear
And too scared to listen

The sun shines on you
And screams your imperfections
Forget about the people who hate you
A smile is the perfect revenge