1.
Nothing is stable:
not moods,
not relationships,
not circumstances.
It is better this way -
when things are bad
do not say “it gets better,”
which may or may not be true.
Say it gets different.
2.
People are not always
going to be there for you
when you want them to be,
they will be busy or sick or asleep or indifferent.
Words do not equate to action.
Words can just be fillers.
“Love” does not always mean good,
“Love” does not always mean support,
“Love” can be in name only.
Love is something
entirely different.
You deserve Love.
3.
“Don’t ask, don’t receive,”
is the way it is.
You must always make an effort
to initiate friendships.
Even so, don’t expect them to last.
Know also
that it is not your fault if/when they fail.
Nothing lasts forever -
this is okay.
People who Know
will sometimes ask how they can help.
If you don’t tell them
they won’t do anything,
won’t offer suggestions,
will probably offer other things instead:
apologies, anger, their own guilt.
If you cannot explain well enough,
be prepared for no change,
no aid,
nothing.
They are not mind readers,
after all.
For some people
explanations won't help,
will not make them
understand.
Let these people go.
4.
If you state a boundary,
and it cannot,
will not,
be honored or remembered,
grit your teeth through it.
Know that it will be okay soon enough,
but always remember
your triggers are still real.
5.
If you engage with acquaintances,
you must find the balance
between Distrust and Hope.
Not too much hope -
that would be naïve,
set you up for a hard[er] fall.
Not too much distrust –
that would make you
Bitter,
Unpalatable.
You must play nice
with everyone,
walk on eggshells
if you must,
but even then
know you will never please everyone and
prepare for the worst.
6.
You will never be prepared enough.
7.
You will learn
what is necessary
and unnecessary
in your life,
how to make do
on very little.
This is a blessing and a curse,
this is the way it is now,
but it does not always have to be this way.
You are allowed
to have wants and needs
standards and expectations,
even if it feels Wrong.
If they cannot handle you,
you do not have to keep them
in your life.
Having very few friends
is not Bad or Wrong or Abnormal.
You can do without
most people.
8.
You do not have to
empty every word of meaning.
Being empty
is a way to stay alive,
but it does not have to be this way.
9.
Your intuition is valid.
Do what feels right,
do not spend time regretting.
10.
You are not weak
like your mother says.
**** your mother,
**** mombrain,
**** every single person
who has hurt you and put you down.
You have survived
23 years of heartaches and breaks,
exquisite forms of torture.
You are strong.
Sometimes it gets so bad I have no choice but to turn to affirmations.
