I yearn for the day
That these
Soundproof chambers
Won't scream so
Inescapably loud

The little girl that's deep in me
She doesn't know the things I've seen
A little stubborn, mostly passive
But when beaten down, just as savage

She didn't have demons to resist
With that, ignorance must be bliss
In hushed conversations, nothing but a delight
Certainly didn't wish for a better life

Endless story's didn't weigh her down
In therapeutic talks she wouldn't drown
She walked, head held high, confidence shown
Happiness spreading through different tones

Society couldn't pressure her to be normal
Nor getting bullied, looking formal
She smiled through lights and darkened days
But that was before she knew she was gay

every night before i go to bed,
i craft my mask
for my upcoming performance of course!
perfectly powdered cheeks, flawless.
lashes curled, a rosy smile-
always a smile.
Silent, Unseen,
always a smile.

in the cold, dark glass,
i look at myself in the mirror's depths.
the real me.
i see a twisted, gnarled mess.
a frown, eyes brimming with distress.
torn apart by her cruel mind.

how i wish the mask would set in,
so i wouldn't have to prepare this facade,
every.
single.
day.

I'm tired.

What if,
I don't have the will to craft the mask tonight?
What if I simply indulge in slumber's gentle light?
Without the weight of the mask upon my sight?

no.

they won't accept me.
and i cannot bear their disdain you see,
and so,
the everlasting performance, it must be.

Your arms that hold me leave no comfort.
But the hands slotted around my neck,
They fit perfectly like a missing puzzle piece.
Once the puzzle is finished, it is meant to be forgotten.
And so I will be forgotten,
To this curse of a once promising life.

A painting of who I was
A sketch of who I am
To want to cherish the painting.
To want to start again
The need for destroying it.
The freedom of starting anew.
A lifetime of step forwards.
A life of looking back.