I hope you enjoy this nightmare you created
These shadowy figures in wide brimmed hats without faces
I hope that you can survive their icy grip

Why did you have to bring us into this horror
This dark macabre of your own design
I’ll hold your hand through this but I don’t know why

I fell in love with your shadows - the pain dripping from your voice.

My darkness calls out to yours - matching scars of trauma long entombed.

I yearn to hold you when you cry out at night. I wake from my nightmares and look for your face.

I have searched my whole life for the understanding I see when you look at me.

Is it justice, then, that I can never be yours?

25OCT2019

I’m tallying the days
How many more
Until I see you again
But I don’t know what I’m counting for
I wrote you a note
I hid it in plain sight
It’s been waiting for awhile
Hidden away from the light
I know you led me on
Before you saw my left hand
Many months have passed
And these feelings still stand
I never saw your ring
I guess that’s no excuse
I’m about to be married
But your eyes made me an offer my heart could not refuse

I fell in love with a girl
10 years younger and full of problems
Me a married man
She the addict with a felons past

Her eyes are brown just like her soft skin
Her words they calmed my storms
Her hair once consumed with dreads
Smelled clean and feminine

Her past riddled with abuse and bad decisions
I secretly hoped I would be good for her
Somehow though she was good for me
She was what I had been looking for my whole life

I miss you now
Maybe I’ll see you again
I know we will never be
But I’m glad that at least we were

What are we doing
I don’t even know
Why can’t I
Just let these feelings go
We’ve stayed innocent
But for how long
Next time we’re alone
What if things move along
That’s not what we want
But I don’t know if that’s true
There’s ideas in my head
That want to be pursued
But I can’t give in
There’s too much to lose
So I'm hopelessly in lust
With nothing I can do

I could still smell your perfume hours after you left
It felt like reading someone else’s mail
Some lovesick ***** prose meant for him
Maybe someday you’ll feel like writing me again

I woke up at 3 AM but I didn’t want to open my eyes
I knew you weren’t there
You’d gotten up at some point while I slept to go see him
This bed and I are lonely and broken
This room and my heart are cold and not just because you left the window open

a cold, a fish, a baseball.
i can catch a snowflake on my burning tongue.
i can catch a falling star searing through the sky, a sudden **** in the night.
i can catch you curled around a phone-call.
it's past three and the wish i made from our bed
smothers itself to death on
some field in Nebraska.