I don't know where I began.
I don't know where I'll end.
But I don't need to.
I know where I am right now.
I'm with friends. I'm with you.
And to me, that's a pretty
great place to be.

How is it to feel
like an almost dead fish
drying out under the sun
listening to the sand rolling by
watching with one eye
helplessly beside the ocean
but not inside of it
saturated with nothing
helpless
not dead
yet helpless

I didn't saw you in gold and silver sparkles
Glitters everywhere, in a slow motion type of stare
I didnt saw you in magical nights
In poetry lines, or lipsticks changing the lights
Like the spotlight's on you and I

I didn't saw you picking up the roses in the garden-filled butterflies
How the songs capture our eyes, in glimpse of heaven or disguise
I didn't saw you escaping at 12 am, enchanting spells in sacred room,
Where the color purple's only for you, but you can only see blue

I didn't saw you in fairytales
But I saw you in mine
In my little, mono-lid, honeyed eyes
Between the waking and the siesta time
I saw you in my photographs filmed in my mind
In counting hours before the class start
And haunting hours when end of school year just waved to us

I didn't saw you in someone else's portrayal of how you were painted in them
I saw you in vivid lines I wrote, in feelings I have known, fore years I won't let go.

I saw you, and I didn't want to
You saw me, I know you wanted to
But they belonged to 2018 version of my life
All the tragic had happened in 2020's
I've learned pretty much not to be fine when I'm fine.

//

Do I love love ? Or do I hate love ?
Love makes everything feel like it’s on steroids. It’s makes the highs sooo incredible and happy, while it makes the lows deathly dark and scary.
It can make you feel so inspired and motivated and outgoing and light,
while at the same time it has the abilities to be completely debilitating.
Completely detrimental.
It can make you so cold and heartless.
So uncaring and rude.
But at different points I feel both extremes.