Just be yourself
and they’ll like you
I was always told
The dead can’t speak
Another lie.

My Aunt doesn’t hold
with all this hugging and kissing
when family members meet up.
In her day people kept a proper distance.
Everyone hated each other
because they were overcrowded.

My Aunt says,
it’s terrible having a cupboard
just for shoes
when so many people are homeless.

My Aunt says that in her day
fourteen year olds had to be
back home by nine.
When they got a bit older
they weren’t allowed out
before that either.

My Aunt can’t understand
women watching football.
After all, it’s bad enough
men playing a pointless game,
without women encouraging them.

My Aunt says she doesn’t approve
of Alcoholics Anonymous.
In her day,
everything was out in the open.

My Aunt says
in her day men got their rations
once a week.
Now they’re continually raiding
the marital cupboard.

My Aunt says in her day
there was none of this violence
.People lived peacefully together,
except for the two world wars.

My Aunt doesn’t understand
all this internet friending and trolling.
In her day, people kept themselves to themselves,
and talked about people behind their backs.

My Aunt says
that when she dies,
she wants a simple crenellation
with afternoon tea to follow.