Life’s a trip aint it?
Cause I can see myself there.
In the courtside of movement with my daughter
Teaching her the fundamentals to this foreplay break form we call top rocking
See, cause we all started while still in the fetus of knowledge,
dance was our way out
far sighted to the violence was most important
My neighbors enriched themselves a devil’s deal with other advocates
Sold their souls to hate,
Gun play, drugs, **** and discriminate……tion.
Since that first get down on my auntie’s wooden floors,
Or since seeing the smooth criminal himself steal the encore,
I became the Xerox copy,
mirroring my master like a parrot,
I studied more and observed a new culture.
Not even knowing this family was my narrative teen story.
I devoured every second.
Danced till my body couldn’t stand it.
I danced in the light and were steps away from my own shadows.
Sometimes the shadows were heavy
a filament that needs to be observed and cleansed--- go figure huh
A self-judgment clinging to aura.
A child crying who felt unloved.
A beings dependent on promises from Ones outside self.
Suddenly, light shines and the dancer feels the power--
A breath that aligns inside grace.
A moment where ones heart expands with love.
A moment where a dancer meets melody
Hip hip is a masterpiece,
hip-hop is you, me, him and her, and because of this masterpiece is a dancer inside of me.
His movements created mists around his company,
I didn't need to tell hip-hop I loved her.
I gave her all my love with this dance.
Check your vitals
Snap the Nitrile
Up to the elbow
we're gonna stretch and
pull the protector down.
Play an Avant-garde film
no sound, but
you spoke it
credits were rolling'
down your cheek
nothing certain but death and taxes
left handed laughing' laxatives
In the coffee of mothers
Who pump out politicians.
This year You scavenged for Christmas
a life worth living
by killing intuition
in an Easter basket
in silicone lashes
push the ashes together
then burn the mattress
That's the sand.
through fingers, you make a fist
3rd grade principal
pulled you from detention
In a stretcher
white royal flush in the trenches
You fought to be human
all you needed was
a breath of attention
who said you could end it
win it, prescription of tribulations
from whatever God you'd scavenge for Christmas
he put you through it
all the abuses
black and white canvas
silent obscuring angles
You're more than mannequin
who prayed for this madness
who pays for the therapist
If you even have it
who kept you out of church
And into church basements
writes the book of curses
force fed sedative
Says he went to college.
His Suit is stained in coffee
Yet you're the burden with the vices?
The film is over
the light flickers darkness
we sit in the coffin
smoking' and screaming'
blood is flowing, but there's
we're just speaking'
what happens after 3AM
witching hour that one scene
when the camera angle was
it spoke to me
said self examination can't be
you gotta s
they're cut resistant
cover five fingers
not just one appendage.
Blue hands protect you
more than a stranger
so button your blanket
take down the black curtains
sun was always shining,
to blurry our focus
could take our Macguyver theater
wallpaper canvas stretching
hit us in the temple
like a parshah
finished another session
the blessing of human language
malakh, without expectation
we fumble to understand
Scalpel in hand,
ventricle in tact
we're just holding' a feather pen
stick our hands in the past
take a look in the mirror
And write it all down.
Original Freestyle Recording of Nicholas Mercier Coulombe's poem" Self-Examination" in his car over the Chillhop song "It's Ok" by Yuutsu off of the Album Transience. [BEFORE REVISIONS]
Album Art by Rush Brown
Updated Poem Below
as of: 9/21/18
Everything just feels weirdly terrible and I don’t want anyone to come near me anymore I don’t feel like I can trust anyone it’s just so difficult right now because I’m so hurt. I’m so ******* hurt but I know there’s nothing I can do about it and there’s nobody that is sorry so why should I be sad about it. But I feel like I have so much hope in my heart that I know the right people to trust but what if that’s wrong too I was so wrong in the past. I was so so wrong. I don’t know when I’m going to stop feeling like a fool. When I’m going to stop feeling like a pit stop, like a holiday house by the seaside in the middle of winter like a bouquet of wilted flowers brown and beautiful and dead on your kitchen counter like too much of nothing at all. I give absolutely nothing away. I’m terrified you’ll pity how soft I am although I know I’m the toughest bag of heartbreak you will ever encounter let me tell you I know I talk like an ******* I just don’t want you to love me cause that’s just one more person to disappoint and disappointment has been the only taste in my mouth lately like my heart is slowly burning and smoking out through my throat and when I say I’m tired I really just mean that I’m tired of people and when I smoke my cigarettes and drink my coffee and look at the sky I’m really just looking at myself and right now pain has left and love has left and now all that’s left is hope and well I guess that’s not the worst I’ve been. It’s like when you have nothing the possibility is anything to everything so let’s say you do love the beach when it’s raining and you make a home out of me let’s say I don’t set my heart on fire for you but draw a circle of flames around us would you stay burning with me till love suffocates us both till we can’t remember a time without passion. Let’s say you stay and prove disappointment wrong and let’s say hope wins this time around.
How many will you all let loose
Fall to the system, hang to the noose
All just because you're chasing a goose
How can we win when we're calling a truce
Down to the ground, we're lost til we're found
Buried in sound, we're cool if we drown
Their words are like scripts
But you shake your head like you're hip
To the snake that can twist
A man into a cyst
You're hesitant but you're blessed
It's all compressed inside with signs to guide you to find what you need to realize to shed the horrible guise and end the demise of the guys that you've dealt with all your lives
It gives me the hives yet the honey gets flies
I'm not a lie yet they make me a size
And I go with them into my box like a prize
For the rest of the guys that knew we stood a chance
To finally be here hopping over that fence
Like the wall that couldn't keep us together
In a place so hot nobody wears a sweater
But they're sweating now, the whole crowd
Is coming down, can't settle down now
Your words cut the diamonds of crime and it's ties
The past is just a knife in our side
We all wish we could fly but never try to get by besides covering our hides
This constant demise is a guise for the wisdom
Carrying it to our family, it's all just tradition
Put it together until you out-dish them
We're feast on the heavens til eleven
Then drop the revenue that's been telling you to give in
It's certain you're battling yourself, belittling yourself to their wealth
Bowing down to the phrase "Listen up and behave"
It's madness we crave when we're in such a daze
And we're lazy about it cause what can we do
We're humans, we came from monkeys but we're brand new
Children of genetics, the science is a sentence
Putting us in our place like a menace
Why even play tennis with your conscience
Spill it out, secrets will show us all how to function
I've got a pedigree in mathematics but tell me
If 2 plus 2 is 4 why the children still hungry
You feel me? We're reeling in our own ****
We're tired of it, tracking it onto the red carpet
Another light shines stepping into the tar pit
Remember Wesley’s Theory. Remember they haven’t taught you everything.
And no one actually gives anything For Free. Don’t take it and expect to give nothing back.
They will beat it out of you. Spit back King Kunta even though you’ll feel nothing like royalty.
Google Institutionalized. The first example reads, The danger of discrimination becoming
Maybe they didn’t want to flat out say racism?
And instead pretend like u won’t try to climb over These Walls.
You in Trumps America now boy, everything ain’t just gonna be Alright.
You might wake up tomorrow, sign chained to your ankles, “For Sale”.
Momma never warned you. At least you don’t remember, you haven’t talked lately.
You never understood Hood Politics, found yourself on the wrong block
Too much change in your pocket tryna to figure out How Much a Dollar Cost
But the Complexion of your currency ain’t quite correct cuz
That’s when you realize The Blacker the Berry, the less like you.
You Ain’t Gotta Lie, you like where you are now.
Starting to think i belong and ****.
But remember, even though you know how to **** a Butterfly, you’re just a Mortal Man.
Italics are songs from "To **** a Butterfly"
give me a chance
to take you out
for one last night
in the city,
as the angels sleep on the sidewalks,
and the reptiles snore in the white house.
I'm crying alone
while your friends check their phones,
smoke their vapes,
and Brady the dog nudges my leg
with his snout,
soft as a napkin
wiping breadcrumbs off a table.
Chipotle before we write diary entries
for our children who look like your
ex-boyfriend. Tell them stories
past their curfew,
as their heads cloud with dreams,
where nothing but beauty blooms,
and sadness goes to pasture,
to be cooked on a rotisserie,
and spit out into bits.
like your flesh when it's been burnt by a lighter.
so listen up,
finish your game of FIFA,
then make me laugh,
so that I could forget about yesterday's fight.
It took years
I knew every bump and crack
In rain , fog , night or day
I ran to be running away
Found my second wind
going out , going in
mile after mile
constant as the waters
of the Nile
while I was sitting
in my den
A wondrous feeling came over me
A high that elevates . . .
one that no drug can reach
I used to jog miles everyday and there many benefits to be gained from it . One was a joggers high , a physical high that cannot be touched by any other source .
Beautiful souls build beautiful minds..
one in the same time..
lovely rose that grew from the inception of two blind..
creating fire and water that would bring divinity throughout destiny lies..
the beauty in knowledge that makes you think for yourself..
the world on its shoulders..
get that dirt off..
Matter of fact .. I'll help..
but who am I myself?
that may never heal myself..
We never flex..
we never rest..
I learned to live with no regrets..
like nahh I ain't seen them yet..
they never come over to visit..
I still **** wit my ******
Tryna teach something and roll something everyday..
willing to listen all ways..
from every direction we tryna get paid..
I am the master of my own fate..
no slave ships just yacht days..
whips and chains just to misbehave..
Runnin for gold tryna overcome the maze..
still blasting joy and pain..
the weight I lift on my shoulders ..
boulders, a country and a couple mountains..
but who's counting ...
unless it's the money..
she said I changed when I ain't want the change on me..
let em have it..
it's good to be a blessing to those who don't have it..
cause if I didn't ...
I know **** well I would grasp it..
I'm tryna show time I am magic..
yellow Porsche carrera 911 package
wood grain and all black leather lavish
staring at the world in my rear view blasting
On the gas mashin..
never ever crashin..
smooth sailing wit plenty cabbage..
she tell me slow down take my time..
I said I been Robbin all my life..
I think Ima take advantage of tonight..
DJ quik and some sprite..
future stick talk and hella yellow rice..
siracha in the marinade?
we just livin life right?
We Can't afford to think twice..
so we got paid to think wise..
So we Chase our visions and sights..