few people
who tell me to forget
about the past
just fail to understand
that sometimes past
doesn't forget me

They fail to realize that
one is still in the battlefield
dodging bullets surviving attempted ******
my war is still ungoing
but as always chances are
I survive like I often do
by unseen forces
its a cruel ancestral
karmic war
that must be paid
no one is immune to it

no matter how prosperous waiges of sin generating good and bad Karma are unstapable
ask me I've lived it in the flesh

wining or losing
doesn't matter too much
it doesn't depend
on the self alone

One has to experience
cause and effect
of all actions and inactions
perhaps generational
values apply here
must perform my deed
suffer their bad karma

what can I as a recipient
do but endure

please don't say to soldier me
in this battlefield hell of mine
"forget the past! look forward!"
"Don't look back,
you'll crash and die!"

my forward might be more
of the same battlefield
****** neverending
generational type war
unprovoqued covert enemies
 ever popping up
like agents in my Matrix did

unexpectedly
using different names
covert culprit Terminator One others wearing masks
hungry wolves
some in sheeps clothings
others smiling snakes
in my fallen paradise
many have fallen though
by my side and something
out there from beyond spares me
the people of God shall taste poison and it won't harm
the Lord upholds me and I wait patiently safe
heaven is within me.

don't expect me to do for you
what you don't do for yourself
don't mistake your right to be wrong
for my respect

the worlds collided, merged
what you attack rules over you
the song i've known for years
makes sense now but
i still won't play it out loud
but i'd watch you dance anyway

i will tell you what i have been dreaming about
since i chose to be useful
those are my real hopes
and dreams
that i want out, once and for all
but that would never be allowed
i am, we are, exhausted, anyway

your anger is justified by everything you lack
there is no point in teaching
you need to be left to learn
slowly
but
surely

here is my last line
everything this masochistic mayhem is about
it's fine to be alright
it's still normal to feel okay
it has been always normal
for you to be okay
it is okay to show vulnerability
you are human after all
but always remember to defend your keep
steady now and don't lose your footing