You never said it with your words
hugs weren’t what We came to do
you said "Mountain Girls don’t cry"
I held it in to make it true
Don't worry Daddy, I don't need em
I know "I love you's" just words

So many stories in your eyes
never needed a gift or an alibi
We always knew it through and through
the way my heart looked into you
funny really, the truth
to us “I love you” are just words

I knew it at my ballgame
when you appeared in the bleachers
made you proud to all my teachers
don’t worry Daddy, I don't need em
I know “they’re just words”

Was confused when my lovers wouldn’t say it.
Wen't for a long journey don't the path of "maybe I didn’t deserve it"
there and back again
Now I know the truth, I'm worth it
it all happened in the start
it’s me who thinks “they’re just words”
so it didn't bounce back reflected
Now we can have it all

It’s ok to say “I love you”
can be freeing if you want it to
paint a picture with the rainbow
let love guide you

Don't worry Daddy I'll never need it
and they'll never see me cry.
But watch me Daddy as I ride
the craziest bull of them all
having both Love, it's spoken word,
hugs and all.

What kind of a father
Would you be to my child
Would you hold them
To your chest
When they’re crying
Would you kiss them goodnight

Would you be patiently caring
Bringing strength to our lives
Simply asking these questions
To know what you’re like
Would you be a good father
The worth-choosing kind

Tell me
That gun that you're so proud of
Why does it tremble so much?
Is your hand following your unstable mind?
Is that the same hand that holds your child's?

Your emotions
Fragile enough to be crushed with a hug
Insecure enough to attack a compliment
Corrupt enough to endlessly reload on lies and deceit
Are those the same emotions you shoot into your wife at night?

Your bullets roar so loudly
What voices are you trying to drown out?
Your heartbeat clanks at the speed of the fallen shells
What are you so afraid of?
A man armed and ready to go off at any moment like you?

Tell me
What can you manage to defeat?
With those trembling hands
Uncertain of what to take aim at
You shoot down anything that moves
Uncertain of where the trigger is
You pull at anything you can reach
Uncertain of how much enemies are left
You forever stay in the trenches
I now know that when you bow your head at church that it's not for prayer

Then hoping to nullify your senseless you refuse to leave the battlefield
And take no-mans-land everywhere you go

You wear your bulletproof vest and rifle to the supermarkets, schools, offices, dinner tables, churches, and funerals

Forever firing
Forever charging
Forever defending
Forever fighting
Yourself.

The time of dad's passing
I've been restrained
All the day long
I've looked at the rain.

There isn't a smouldering
Hint of a spark
I can't see for nothin'
The rain is so dark.

The stormclouds are following
One on another
They tred on the heels
They're so close together.

The date of a death
Is when pain was born
There seem to be many
One endless storm.

The first major hurricane
2020 has seen
Was the health & work crisis
Of COVID-19

Then the stress on good friendships
Because of the news
People fussing & fighting
For differing views.

THEN Minneapolis
Had a white killer cop
And others stood by
As a black man's heart stopped!

Now, these are DEATHS!
We HAVE to RECEIVE!
Deaths of our innocence
We no longer believe
In man's basic goodness
No way it's retrieved
We must accept now
And we have to GRIEVE.

My father survived WWII
Lived 93 years in this mortal stew.
But now he's left... years ago? TWO.

When I was a child
Oh, SO long ago
I used to LOVE thunderstorms...

... what did I know?

R.I.P. Clinton Eugene Jarvis

SoulSurvivor
Cathy Jarvis
(C) 5/30/2020

Every way, each day
I am present to see it.
His miracle of being
I the recipient his gift
Awestruck, humbled, blessed
This I understand completely
Though I know not how, or why
I.  This man I still learn to know
As myself, of my self,
Admit having witness his growing
In great measure do I envy him
See his approach at living, being
embodying the kindest soul,
Naturally thoughtful and caring
How he is, has become
A lesson that I do learn from
My little legacy, so far beyond
better than from which he comes
I worry for him as fathers must
But not of him, of life's unexpected
always haunting every person
just out of foretelling, behind any horizon
For this treasure of my life I know
No doubt, to be a person of light
Wits, genuine smiles, listening and learning
His my Son, He is my Hero
I am out done, and yet,
ever the more thankful.
Blessed by You Zieven Lee.
Thank You.  More than you'll ever know.