I want to take a moment to apologize
For trying to make you bear the weight of my personal trauma.
At the time,
It seemed easier to blame you than to admit the cold hard truth of the situation.
This was something that would forever change me,
Yet I tried to change you as well
And that was not fair to you.
The weight was mine to bear alone.
I forgive you for not knowing how to deal with the situation or how to comfort me.
Only time could do that.
I apologize for demonizing you for not being able to handle it,
The trauma was too great for anyone to ever comprehend.
I apologize for saying awful, demeaning words because I was hurting emotionally,
What I said I can never take back.
But most of all,
I forgive you for leaving
I wish you nothing but the best this world has to offer.
~sdr

I am no longer your light,
the solace to your empty cosmic prison.
I refuse to accept the pain you weigh on my chest.
I am a formidable fortress, welcoming none
of your darkness.

I am a universe, expanding

with each breath I take.
soon, I will be too far from you to see
the dark matter plaguing your infinite cavity.

your pain can no longer affect
my growth into the unknown,
for I am no longer afraid of the dark.

laying your head in my lap
the way you always wanted to
looking up at me

as our eyes meet
for a few moments
dark oak swirling
with words we're
too nervous to
say out loud

seconds pass and
we can't take it
anymore

you roll-over
onto the bed
and i hunch
into myself

we can't stop laughing
making spiderman jokes
sneaking glances through
the night til our hands
intertwine without
meaning to
both wishing
we would
have kissed

i'm living all the way up here now
the mountains trail down to your
old suburban home

you're not here
not in my lap
staring up at me

brown
and blue
against one
another

her eyes
laughing
and twisting
until they've
faded away

i miss you
but the phone
won't even
ring

It took me 4 full years to realize I can’t have you back
Even if I could one day

I don’t want the life you’ll have me living
And I think you knew that and that’s why you ran away
It took me a long time to see that I would never be truly happy
In a life that was so vain
But you knew and you saved me
Even though I kicked and screamed and begged

You’re not in a place to compromise and I would’ve sacrificed my life
For a love that would’ve kept me trapped in my toxic days
You viewed me in ways that I didn’t see myself
And were right every time,
Only when it came to the good things
And even if it wasn’t handled the right way
You ultimately saved me from a life
That I thought I could one day embrace

I don’t want the life you’ll have me living
And I think you knew that and that’s why you ran away
It took me a long time to see that I would never be truly happy
In a life that was so vain
But you knew and you saved me
Even though I kicked and screamed and begged

Putting yourself first ain’t all that easy
When feelings were as deep as mine
The guilt, shame, and being hungry
Doesn’t help when it comes to saying goodbye
So don’t judge me

Man, 4 years was a long time

It's crazy how long we've had this tube
I've said to myself "when it's finished, I'll move"
We often go through three, four a year
But this tube is prolonging our time, my dear
Each brush of this paste is how I cope
A twice daily ritual, this tube is my trope
I predict enough squeezes to last us through March
And after one last squeeze
We'll inevitably depart

....

When I moved back home
The tube here was new
I think about you twice a day;
I'll always love you

Your drawn-out eyelashes
Veiling your charming eyes, cosy
I just need you to glare at me
Once again—after years

Your long, tiny legs, mellow
Walks so smooth and ****
Oh, I wish you'd walk
Straight into my arms once again

Your nose, pointed, coquette
With intractability so exquisite
And skin so dark, and smooth melanin
A skin I wish to touch once again

Your laughter, definitely your emblem
When you smile or even get angry
Your beauty is still untethered
I pray you smile at me once again

And your lips, tastes like honey
Oh, what would I give for another kiss
Oh, what would I give
To meet you once again